Kind Cruelty

My Inner Life

We’ve talked of meeting.

You spoke of pain that I did would not enjoy. I told you there was a torment that I might want to be forced to endure. That I would have to be temporarily stripped of my safeword to endure. Naturally, female sadist that you are, you were curious.

It is so simple that you may smile and wonder how I can be so serious about it.

I want you to cane my nipples. Brutally. Without pity.

If it is as hard as I’m thinking I would normally safeword out in three strokes. Certainly no more than five.

There’s no danger of serious physical or psychological injury.

If I’m lucky I will cry. I want to know tears at the hands of someone who likes me. I could probably find some stranger to do it to me online. But that would just be living porn.

Afterward I’ll curl up at your feet so very grateful; for your kind cruelty. So happy.

I'm a Fake Submissive

In Search Of

I have been found out. At last I must confess and expose my shame unto all the nations (did you know that I like reading the Bible?) or at least to a few bloggers.

I am NOT a real submissive! Nor slave!

Mr. Peabody, if you will please activate the Wayback Machine?

Several years ago my massive online campaign to find a top/bottom/vanilla, male/female/transgender, lover/playmate/friend was underway.

A local (Durham, NC) male top found something I wrote, liked it and sent me an email saying so. I - the blessing of never having to hide - said I own this used bookshop, why don’t you drop by and we’ll chat. And he did.

This man reversed everything I’ve gone for sexually: he was taller (I’m slightly over 6’3”), older, (ahem) more manly. He was also very gentle and likeable. But I remember thinking if he just points to the floor I’ll drop to my knees. He didn’t. And, unconfident and inexperience I didn’t think to make any gesture. The shop got busy and he left.

Several weeks later there was a real chance we might get together and explore possibilities.

Then I heard Charles’ voice on the phone. Pure Southern nelly queer boy. Charles was everything I had normally lusted after: much younger, skinny and so femme even the blind and deaf could tell he was gay. I fell in love (would’ve been better had a fallen and broke my neck). I pursued Charles like a maniac, won him and turned my life into a Hell from which I’ve yet to fully escape.

When I got to using CollarMe I saw he was still single. This surprises me since he really does strike me as quite a catch.

I’d planned to write to him when I finally felt I had put the complications and after-effects of life with Charles fully out of my life. Or he saw my profile. Because I would visit his profile on and off I added him to my “favorites.” This caused him to notice me. Before I cold write to him I got a message from him.

I wrote back to tell him about the last several years and explain my current (serious) limitations.

He never responded. That is really much worse than being told to get lost. Silence is the most final dismissal.

This condensed account is biased in favor of the writer. Besides this was a month ago.

La Diablesse Perverse


La Diablesse Perverse begins with a session between a professional maitress / dominatrix.

My, what a selection of canes …

La Diablesse Perverse Vintage French Femdom Film

La Diablesse Perverse Dominatrix with client

La Diablesse Perverse Mistress forces man to submit

La Diablesse Perverse Female Domination

La Diablesse Perverse Vintage French Erotica

The film then swtiches to maledom: see La Diablesse Perverse Part 2.

Furry Animal Femdom


Imagine Bill Ward illustrating kid’s books or the old Dell / Gold Key comic books.

Funny furry animal femdom art
© Lisa Hanawalt

Actually this looks more like an Eric Stanton situation to me.

Legally Binding Mistress / Slave Contract

Questions & Observations by Others

Cute Girl with a whip.
Girl with a whip by Enoch Bolles.

People write me asking for the damnest advice:

How is it feasible to draft a long term, MISTRESS/slave contract of obedience & servitude that is actually legally binding? This is something both parties desire. Thank You !

Another fan of really real slavery.

The short answer: you can’t. Slavery is illegal in the United States. Period. The law will not recognize your slavery; you cannot assume the status of chattel except in your own mind.

I’ve seen slave contracts that acknowledge their lack of legal status. It reads as a sort of whistling in the graveyard as though rejecting the law will somehow stop the criminal justice system. No judge is going to accept your disagreement with a law as an excuse for not obeying it.

A common internet game is for people with the craving - stated desire anyway - to achieve legally binding servitude is to speculate on ways a man can make himself financially dependent on his Mistress.

Going into debt isn’t going to make you a slave. If you willfully ruin yourself financially you might be declared incompetent. But you are more likely to become the ward of a family member or psychiatric institution than anyone else.

Even if you were to become her ward you could go to the court and at anytime and point out you are being treated as a slave.


Pain is pursued for the stringent and sensual beauty that plays across the masochist’s nerve endings. Humiliation to be left supine, damp and sated. Slavery - submission - because it makes you happy.

Offering yourself should be enough. Consenting to become her slave fulfilling in itself. That is ‘real’ slavery: desire and need.

Inadvertant Orgasm Denial


No Wanking III

Watching Television.
© Robert Crumb

This was meant to be a fairly longish post. To complete and justify the two prior posts.

But I got hit by a very long period of exhaustion. Some days I was up and around for maybe eight hours. And too tired to do more than watch DVDs.

I’m feeling much more alive now.

I no longer remember all that I wished to say. I certainly don’t want penis humor at the top of the page anymore.

A Man and His Penis

My Inner Life

No Wanking II

Over the years I’ve felt that Penis and I have a satisfactory relationship that combines mutual interest with friendly self-respect. But lately …

No Wanking!

Me: Hi Penis!
Penis: Not tonight.
Me: But …
Penis: I have a headache.
Me: But if you really care for me …
Penis: (Frigid silence)
Me: (Grabs Penis)
Penis: Rape! Rape!


Penis: Hey, big boy!
Me: You aren’t fooling me.
Penis: C’mon, have some fun.
Me: (Relaxes, reaches down)
Penis: April Fool!

Or Penis just lies there as if nothing is happening. You know the type.

One more to come …

PS: BDSM Romance was once intended to sort of partly replace this site. That never happened but I do post a few things there along and along.

PPS: Likewise I do update Femdom Romance and Femdom Dating and am willing to own up to Femdom Artists.

Male Masturbation

My Inner Life

No Wanking I

I was in fifth grade when my best friend told me about masturbation. I tried it later than day in the tub. I wasn’t impressed.

No Wanking!

Within a very few years my attitude changed. Like every other adolescent boy I had a body that evolutionary history had programmed to orgasm frequently. I was an assiduous wanker.

And continued to be so during the years when without someone to have sex with. I wanked at bedtime and on awakening. And odd points in between. Sometimes I’d masturbate in an effort to insure I felt no unwanted desire at an inconvenient time.

Chastity lore aside frequent orgasms didn’t render me selfish and uncaring. It did leave me with a vast and sometimes violent fantasy life. Those silly masochists!

Things have been different these past several months.

More to come …

(I can’t remember if I’ve linked to Queer Pop Culture from here before. There are sections with BDSM illustration and photography.)

Penile Self-Amputation

Emotional Health

Butch, sociable, happy with his gender still felt a compulsion to take a pair of scissors to his penis.

… Although exclusively heterosexual in his practices, the patient confided sexual fantasies that included homosexual and sado-masochistic acts.

There was an increase in mutilating behaviors in the decade after his divorce. Genital self-mutilation relieved feelings of “loneliness” and “emptiness,” elevating his mood for “several hours,” and occasionally resulting in sexual arousal culminating in orgasm.

Psychosomatics - Self-Amputation of the Nipples and Penis in a Nonpsychotic, Non–Gender-Dysphoric Man

While it is completely outside my own capacity for empathy I know that there are men who are happiest with some portion of their genitals removed. It varies from man to man.

Naturally I can’t help but wonder if he had tried to live out some of his sadomasochistic fantasies not involving self inflicted penectomy if he woujld’ve felt like leaving his penis as it arrived from the manufacturer.

From earlier years:

Contracts Aren't Forever

Rules & Rituals

BDSM slave contracts are sexy things that make any fantasy hotter. Not that codified regulations and protocols aren’t real enhancements and sources of stability for some power exchange arrangements.

But some kinky folk take the term Total Power Exchange literally. Some tops believe they are actually owners of their slave. That there is some binding power that exists without the bottoms voluntary, competent consent.

Practical concerns and human fluidity have heartlessly created a world in which rarely last forever, or fifty years - whichever comes first. Just because someone has pledged a lifetime of obedience doesn’t mean the time won’t come when they leave you.

Laura Antoniou wrote several years back:

Continue reading "Contracts Aren't Forever" »

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What is this?

This is my space for exploring my kinky yearnings, lusts, fancies and manias. Pansexual: all sexual and gender orientations, identities and performances are beautiful. Technically I can switch but mostly I seem to be a masochist who can find happiness in surrender.

While impartiality is the goal my idiosyncrasies, caprices and prejudices are cheerfully acknowledged.


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