Ask a masochist a question

Hi Richard,

I have a question. First I must tell you that although having submissive feelings I am not in a D/s relationship. I am married for more than 40 years to a wonderful Wife. She unfortunately cannot dominate me. Of course I am thinking and reading about this subject. Being old (over 70) the feelings and desires are diminishing. My question is: How do you think your relationship will develop when you are getting old like me? Is is possible to continue a D/s relationship when you both are old? I admit it is not very much, but you have something to think about.

Greetings,

appy

appy,

I’m older than you probably guess (twice Alexandra’s age).

There are two kinds of age: chronological, the number of years and physiological, the condition in which you maintain your body.

As I age we’ll have to be more careful with S&M. But Alexandra is always careful.

D/s is a part of our love for each other. I can’t think of any reason I might stop surrendering control to her.

And as long as I have a tongue I can always lick her boots.

Thanks for asking, Richard

Having been a reader for… well, quite some time, I’m so happy to see you have a bit more personal blog out there. Though I don’t have a specific question or suggestion, I just wanted to let you know that I’m very glad you are in the process of de-enigma-tizing yourself.

I’m a male sub in a marriage that involves a little kinky and painful powerplay from time to time. I’ve nothing to add save my admiration and thanks for your thoughtful ramblings. As my old mother used to say ‘better out than in!’.

Ah, you actually meant it. Sad to see you quiet for a while.

I always was better at reactive than proactive conversation.

I’d be interested in your perspective on gender, but find I’m unable to narrow down the question much more than that.

I tell myself it’s all plumbing and labels, but there certainly is some power there.

My sense of the D/s and S&M part of our relationship is pretty blurred right now. A few months ago inactivity would have made me only hungrier. At present it is doing nothing leaves me less interested in doing anything.

Hopefully this will pass.

I’m sure I’ll be writing again. There have been distractions, including a house guest.

Gender? For me it is as much self-perception and performance as anatomy. I am the most pansexual person I know of.

I want to ask you if you are a masochist in reality or just in mind? When I read your comments I feel much the same as you do… but when actually being whipped I both want it AND don’t want it. In fact,I want it stopped soon as it starts. But then, after it stops I want it again. This I ascribe to mental masochism, not physical masochism. How do you feel about it? Oh, and continued good luck on your page. Paul

Reality vs. mind? Not sure what you mean. Are you asking do I only fantasize? Given some of the evenings I’ve shared with Alexandra it is real.

Mental masochism, not physical masochism? Masochism, sexuality is ‘mental’ and emotional. It has to be more than just physical or we’d just have screaming nerve endings.

The way you’ve phrased it sets up a false duality. Without the physical sensation there’d be no mental satisfaction.

I think the seemingly contradictory condition of craving pain that we can barely endure (or can’t endure) confuses all of us with masochistic needs. The language doesn’t lend itself to bridging the gap between the two halves of the experience. One of my goals for this weblog is to try to find a way to express this without seeming merely confused.

You aren’t alone, there are plenty of us who both want it and don’t want it.

I am seeking a true dominant relationship. I want to be made to watch my mistress play with other men and women. I want to be offered to her friends for their pleasure. I love to be on my knees and have my nipples teased. I want to kiss my mistresse’s feet and for her to butt fuck me. Can you help me out?

We all have wants. What do you have to offer her?

“Anything” isn’t a proper answer. Dommes, women, people are usually looking for intelligence, good human qualities and compatibility.

Have you tried locating a local BDSM munch group?

Have you tried posting an informative profile on sites like CollarMe.Com?

You might want to look at my suggestions of How to Woo a Domme Online

help me , new , out of control bit slave , needing help with answers, about worshiping Master.. is it only a certain body part, all the parts , a ” general ” term . what ?

in over my head , but like it here

thank you, be well, great site, not sure how I found it…… fate ?

I’m not sure what you are asking.

Haven’t heard the phrase “bit slave” before and not sure of your question regarding body part(s).

Redlocks - Worship can apply to any body part and usually denotes attention from the mouth and tongue; whoever you are seeing should make it clear where abouts on the body you are needed.