It Depends
» About
Allow me an episode of self-importance and imagine you’d like to know something about the larger framework from which my worldview, including my feelings about kink and fetish emerge.
Most of my illusions of self-grandeur, I started shedding about the day I turned twenty-five. I’d been working at this long before but it was then that a senseless arrogance began to abate.
But adolescent egomania persisting into adulthood is too common to be of much interest.
Psychological truth, for me, is largely personal. I know about myself, my life experience. Like any bourgeois navel gazer of my generation I’ve spent many hours digging around in my brain’s insides hoping to learn who I am and how I wound up this way.
That sounds very sober minded but really it is a keen treat.
It is a sign of compulsion, not virtue.
And I try to be mindful of contingency. Nowadays a sort of pomo way of saying: it depends.
How much in your life has been shaped by accident rather than design? Minor acts that if they’d gone unperformed you’d never have met one of the people who most influenced your life: if, sadly, to bring you a few years damnation.
Over time one gets tired of using “sometimes,” “maybe,” “perhaps” and other modifiers that recognize the conditional nature of the thought you are expressing. You have to trust that people will be able to discern whatever decent openness you have.
And reading people who apologize for venturing an opinion can be painful. You’d think everybody else was buying there’s at The Deluxe Opinion Shoppe. You don’t have to go as far as Evelyn Waugh’s “Never apologize, never explain.” But you should just not worry about it.
If nothing else it has been awhile since I posted something to the About section.
