Are Male Submissives and Dominants Alike?
» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations
I don’t have a category for off the wall speculations as such (and some of you might think that a fair number of my posts belong in such).
In the pasted I’ve wondered if submissive and/or masochistic men don’t often crave more than their female partners. We want more pain, humiliation, control than she often cares to give.
But then I started wondering about male dominants.
Now we know that many single dominant women have experiences that leave them feeling that there are few if any “really” submissive guys.
But if you scan through the kinky personal ads from all genders have you ever noticed the men who complain that there are too many pretend slaves?
The different words submissive and slave is intentional.
Many of these lonely self-appointed master men appear to expect a female to instantly surrender all rights; almost you’d think all personal feelings. (Now, you nice Doms don’t get offended.)
Are we seeing a gender difference that exists in many men regardless of power orientation? The craving for hot, exciting, just plain more?
I have no idea.
Clearly young men go through a phase of awful sexual self-repression. Evolutionary prehistory didn’t design male biology to put off sexual response until eighteen, twenty-one or until a legal wedding.
Is that a source of the socialized disparities between genders?
Comments
I haven’t noticed much of a difference. Many peoples’ idea (regardless of gender) of a “real” sub is someone who is a total doormat, who thinks that the dom/me is always right, and derives great happiness from serving someone who contributes little to the relationship. I’ve seen both male and female dominants complaining about the lack of these type of people, in about equal numbers. Often it’s the same people who preach that dom/mes are people, with off days, mistakes, and flaws…..but they often don’t realize the same about the subs they’re seeking.
Posted by: roo-roo | November 8, 2006 3:32 PM
I suspect you have a larger experience base than I do.
I was just speculating that men might often focus on intensity, with women being mindful of a more fully developed relationship.
But I don’t have the slightest attachment to the speculation (besides I hate gender generalizations).
Posted by: Richard | November 8, 2006 4:38 PM
Richard:
I suspect you were in trouble when you mistook gender as being equivalent to sex. I’m not sure there is a difference at all here, let alone one based on socialization. My experiences mimic those of roo-roo.
By the way, as to your question, if it applies to all men it’s clearly not socialized. Therefore, I suspect there isn’t a real difference of the type you speculate.
Posted by: Clarence | November 12, 2006 11:34 PM
The kind of socialization that I was thinking of was the effect of frustrated adolescent lust.
Posted by: Richard | November 13, 2006 3:27 PM