BDSM Conditioning : Various Thoughts

When I was thinking of conditioning I posted a note on Fetish Lore. Deciding it would probably prosper more here I deleted the forum entry and posted my prior entry.

Once I’d done that Myles, who I’d hoped would respond to the forum post did exactly that even though my original was gone.

A short extract from what Myles wrote:

I’ve found that the most effective method of conditioning is to use positive physical reinforcement along with repetitive verbal encouragement given in a low, soothing voice. This is especially effective if the submissive is in subspace, and made to repeat key phrases until his response to a certain stimulus becomes automatic.

At first my mind bounced off her essay:

• The specific example didn’t do much for me.
• A childish attachment to negative conditioning.

But I did manage to look past the specific and see the universal.

And in rereading the portion of Myles’ words quoted above I was reminded of some earlier thoughts. I’d read some of what Lady Julia has written about power exchange and hypnosis and exchanged a few emails with her. Hypnosis per se and hypnotic sessions and MP3s per se I’ve set aside for now. Hypnosis in part is a form of directed speech.

Often I feel that I - and Alexandra - don’t get as much as we could because I do not relax into surrender as readily as I wish. This is not willfulness: why would I want less happiness?

I visualized myself kneeling, Alexandra stroking me and reminding me of my pleasure in pleasing her. As a pathway to letting go, having my intellectual side achieve quietness, the hesitations fade, self doubts abate.

That is generic. It doesn’t address losing or at least diminishing a dislike. Nor being more drawn to some act that doesn’t interest me or that I’d only perform out of politeness or a sense of role.

No specific example comes to mind making it impossible to say. My brain is betraying me and I can only think of hard limits that are likely irremovable.

Now what about negative conditioning? A bad thing - right? - bringing to mind aversion therapy, an almost criminal tool of psychotherapists. Let us accept it as a given that we aren’t crazy in discussing this.

Let’s talk about punishment.

In total power exchange relationships punishment occurs outside of scene space. My relationship with Alexandra isn’t a TPE. We’ll skip it.

Punishment in a scene is a way of enhancing the private theatre the two have created. High protocol is sometimes used as a means to enabling punishment scenarios The top employs protocol as an intangible prop.

Between people who are outside the clich้d examples of lifestyle power exchange aversive conditioning should be workable. Positions, verbal restrictions may actually be things the top wants and can combine play with reinforcing a manner or behavior. Or minimizing or eliminating the same.

The requirements are emotional intelligence, empathy and a sense of proportion. Yes, this is behavior modification of a sort. Light behavior modification. Lightness aside it should never be pursued by people who do not know each other exceptionally well and have shared intentions. Without compatibility the result would be damnation.

I’m not sure to what degree the concept of scene space applies in what I’m visualizing. Clearly the negative reinforcement must push at or exceed what is typically thought of as mutual sadomasochistic pleasure. But they must be part of mutual goals.

A masochist may wish to please the sadist by experiencing unpleasantness - misery actually - that isn’t eroticized. I don’t think this is possible for a masochist who is not strongly submissive. The submissive person may have a desire - need - to push more deeply into surrender. Even to experience temporary unhappiness aimed at self-fulfillment when a trait or behavior is added or removed.

For either to act on this both must strip away what is purely fantasy. I could load this down with caveats but they should obvious to anyone who might experiment with this path. Feelings of worthlessness or inherent superiority have no place here. The risks are as considerable as the rewards.

Assuming that the people who wish to explore this have the maturity and self-understanding to attempt it do I have specific recommendations?

You need to talk about it. In depth and often. When your libido is calm and your lust won’t mislead you.

Specific acts? No, I don’t have a clue. That all depends on the individual psychologies of the persons involved. Loneliness, deprivation, pain and duration are the raw elements, but the final mixture will depend on you. Likewise timing, repetition, frequency.

Should everyone try this? No. Not at all. Most people should just wank to it. No more.

For whatever mysterious reason this often seems to be more commonly explored among leatherpeople. I don’t know why.

(Countless nuances have been stomped on here. The least of which is the variety of relationships. Mine is in the context of a romance. Others may live in an interpersonal facsist state. Some with varying levels of impersonality and amity. And many on a private path unique to themselves.)

Also: Attitude Adjustment : Coda

And:

• Bottom, Slave, Masochist … ?
• Wanting to be Punished
• Expanding the envelope … ?