BDSM: The Dominant's Risks
» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations
There’s an interesting thread in soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm about the potential jeopardy and liability for dominants in BDSM play and relationships.
An extract from the initial post by Patti:
Physical: Physical harm in whatever form it might take. Clearly this is usually a higher risk for the bottom than the top, but all physical activity carries with it some risk of injury.
Legal: What happens when the police hear screams and knock on your door? Plenty of tops have been hauled off and prosecuted even though the bottoms in question insisted that the activity was purely consensual. (See the Spanner case in England for a prime example.) I’m sure there are cases where a bottom could get in legal hot water, but this seems like primarily a top’s risk.
Emotional: Any time two people have a relationship, there’s risk of emotional harm. I’m pretty sure that this one breaks down pretty evenly between top and bottom, although although in any given relationship it may not be equally balanced.
Social: Will your parents disown you if they find out you’re a slave? Will you lose your job if people find out you’re kinky? Will you lose custody of your children? Since WIITWD is largely socially unacceptable, this can be a real risk, though it varies widely from person to person. Though there are wide disparities here, I think that it breaks down pretty evenly between top and bottom.
I wonder how many people take these possibilities into account? It is foolish to ignore potential problems. And about as bad to let worries block you from sexual expression.
Comments
Physical - getting out of bed is even a risk! i guess one of the things i look for in a Dom is someone who would hurt badly, emotionally, if they allowed me to be hurt physically; the best insurance one can ask for.
Legal - so long as we can keep religion and do-gooders out of the legal system, then i don’t think there will be another spanner to come. i think a lot of people, on all sides of the fence, learned a lot from that event and others in the last twenty years. It is a danger, though, that we are an easy target for politicians who want to make a quick name for themselves.
Emotional - i agree, probably the most likely avenue to get hurt in during any kind of relationship.
Social - i suppose that depends on whether you are bothered what the Jones’ think. i don’t care, but time has taught me not to push it in to peoples faces; that way, when they do find out, they are not so liable to judge against me.
Posted by: Donna | April 4, 2006 1:37 PM