D/s and Masturbation
» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations
Brought an old computer back up. Found some old F/m photos and clips I’d saved.
Somehow this image from OWK is an electrical whipping. I can’t remember if when the whip hits his flesh it completes an electrical circuit or what. I had several from the series (may still, just buried somewhere). At the time I found it satisfyingly extreme.
Brought to mind something I admit only reluctantly: it is easy to let masturbation define your sexual expectations. The reluctance isn’t personal. I just hate it when prudish people make a similar argument.
Masturbation can be a funny thing. My earliest S&M fantasies were complicated by my need to discover the perfect combination of restraints and position in which to be whipped. The fantasies couldn’t even begin until I worked out the bondage.
Many masochistic men spend years only having fantasies and the effect can be crippling in a way. You have to keep upping the wattage to get a jolt. I know that I worked up some quite horrifyingly intense imaginary cbt scenes.
Even my most beloved whipping fantasy palled. (I’ve never grown tired of it but after time found I couldn’t rely on it for an orgasm.)
Heavy masturbation is probably part of the emotional equation that makes men so unattractively need when they start looking for a Domme online. They become the “I’ll do anything guys.”
Of course they really want. And - surprise - the offer doesn’t really appeal to most Dominas. Sure, some may expect that. If they aren’t psycho they are probably trolling the web looking for guys who’ll fall for online financial domination.
My perennial tip: if you are looking to meet someone online take the time to convey something about yourself other than your needs and wants. Otherwise you’re apt to be a subject of generic complaint in the various Femdom forums.
Given the reality of a D/s relationship you may have to unlearn some of those deliciously dark fantasies.
I don’t have any helpful suggestions. Lonely and horny there’s no fighting your libido.
Oddly this is an instance where orgasm denial may be therapeutic. Abstinence - possibly very long-term - might be what it takes to get your expectations in line with actual possibilities.
Has your or a partner’s masturbatory habits done your sex life any harm?
Comments
I was thinking about this the other day. You often hear prudes and ‘neuters’ saying that masturbation ‘perverts’ the mind, and I guess in a certain sense it really does.
Having hung out on crush fetish boards I’ve seen many cases where the guy gets more and more addicted to crush fantasies and in the end can only get off at all when crush is involved. Unless they are quite headstrong this is pretty much a dead end with no turning back.
Generally, I think masturbation and what you think about when you do it, are something you need to be very conscious of. Really, the prudes have a point.
Posted by: Alexandra | September 13, 2005 5:02 PM
Even “self-abuse” can be abused.
I’m sure it is a common enough trap even outside of D/s.
Posted by: RIchard | September 14, 2005 12:54 PM