D/s & Begging: Theory & Practice

What do you feel when you take us to the point where we’re begging for things that can’t even be done, you simply have us in a total “needy” space?

Are you comfortable with that? Would you rather have someone begging at times? What do you get out of seeing your own submissive person beg you for something?

One reply:

Depends on the situation and what is being dreamed of or being pushed for, and if whether or not I have the skills and experience, or if my partner is open to being used by someone else that is more experienced to get to where she wants to go.

What do I feel? Well sometimes I have to enforce patience, or sometimes ‘take her and treat her more harshly, intensifying her experience and pushing her to a different edge, refocusing her needs, drawing from her different directions to think about, presenting to her new avenues of experiences that perhaps she never had before.

TammyJo Eckhart:

If the desires are motivated from what I can tell is a personal need in my submissive then it is very strengthening to me and very powerful.

If the desires seem unfocused and contradict limits my partner has stated, then I’ve learned to start bringing them down and back into a more realistic mindset. What someone begs for in deep subspace may be something they are horrified at the next morning and I feel it is my responsiblity to respect those limits regardless of what is said at that moment.

She also notes how begging can be done improperly:

Oh, I’m sorry, I do not consider begging to be proper after a decision has been made only when the dom is still thinking about it or asks “How much does my slave want that?”. My “no” is always to be considered a “NO” with my partners.

One masochist explains what he needs:

Begging? I sometimes beg in scenes I consider satisfying, but I don’t think the begging part happens during the “good pain.” There is some pain that I enjoy directly, and a lot of my play is of that type. But I also play with more challenging kinds of painplay, where what I’m enjoying is the fear-thrill of being forced to take it. That’s when I beg.

Another explains:

I hate to beg. I love to beg. The thought of begging makes my belly tight and my heart pound. It makes me afraid that I’ll say something that will make him reject me. The thought of begging makes me feel the need to beg even more. ::sigh:: It’s a hard, awful internal battle. However, when I get over that hump, I’ll beg for things that’d make a sailor blush and beg for it with all my heart. I don’t remember most of the things I say when begging luckily and he doesn’t make me beg from a cold start standpoint. If he told me that I’d never get tied up again unless I begged for it from a cold start, the ropes might rot before we saw them again. There isn’t much space between begging for me and going non verbal, so he enjoys it while it lasts.

Honest begging isn’t necessarily easy:

i have asked for things, but i have never begged in a scene. It is a sore point with my Master and me too. That is why i did not know what to say about it. But, i am wondering, if he could get deep enough into a scene, get her to a certain point, would he get the results he wants? Like i said though, i don’t really know, as i have not been there myself.

Another fears her begging is as trite as a bad porn movie:

My dom likes it when I beg for things. I don’t mind doing this, but I feel like I say the same things over and over, and don’t sound terribly inspired. When I get to the state where I can allow myself to beg for something, my choice of words suddenly becomes limited. It seems to hover around “Please, please, please”.

One person who replies needs for the begging to be spontaneous:

For me, the passion of really good begging can’t be there unless what’s being denied is wanted passionately. And once it is, words, emotions, movements, etc. all seem to come to me when I need ‘em.

I guess what I’m saying is that for me personally, I can’t beg very creatively unless I feel the need to beg. I can’t beg creatively if I’m begging just to please a dom. When I’m begging to honestly get something that, at the time, I desperately feel I must have, then I can really get into begging. Otherwise, I think I’d sound like a broken record too

Practice makes perfect?

Alot of bottoms/subs believe they are incapable of begging. It feels scripted, or unnatural. Or perhaps it is too humiliating. A few times, I’ve ordered a beg during very intense scene moments from folks who say they are incapable of begging.

The first request — usually flat, halting, distant. What the bottom desires is witheld, but a little tease can be great motivation.

“Ask again. And do better”.

And so on.

It seems that a bottom can get into a begging mode in spite of themselves. It’s almost as if they have to practice, to say it a few times before it feels more natural, more sincere. It’s as if the beg transforms from a performance to a passionate expression of desire.

More from TammyJo Eckhart:

Now just begging itself can be difficult. Some folks think it is pushing their desires, topping from the bottom, and others just don’t cope well with being in submissive space and asking for anything.

… I mean to use the words and gestures and voice that you feel makes it clear that you really want something but are still coming from a submissive mindset. Maybe it is that you just focus down to one word, or you ask then start to weep silently (that would get my attention in a positive way), or you ask and attempt to seduce your partner (can be positive for me), or you thrash around and mumbling your words (can also be hot for me), or you use ritualized phrases and gestures, etc.

… try not to think of the begging as a way to get what you want, but as a way to express yourself and to please your dom. I say this because some doms, myself included, enjoy the begging but may also enjoy the denial of what is begged for as well …

The estimable Debra Hyde:

I found men often had trouble producing a good beg yet most of them really liked humiliation, so to get the former and capitalize on the latter, I use to tell them how to beg to me. I’d tell them exactly what to say and they’d have to parrot each sentence back to me. That way, they got over the hump of “what do I say?” while I pushed their humiliation buttons pretty hard.

Saving the best to the last:

Amity Harris:

I like begging and sometimes I insist on it. Maybe it’s that “consent” thing in the back of my mind or it’s just that I love the sound of hoarsely throated pleading when a sub’s body and mind may be ripping themselves violently apart …

Hearing those noises, pleading and moaning, wanting so desperately and not wanting it at all — that’s what I enjoy.

Akasha:

I often make my submissives beg when they’re gagged. So there is no worry about what to say — it’s all in the eyes, and body language. Imagine ways you can convey desperation through your eyes, shoulders, hands. Nuzzling when you can reach him, gripping with your fingers if you have them free. A properly timed whimper.

More from Akasha:

A really evil thing to do is make a sub whimper from pain and if they don’t do a decent job, they get a real reason to whimper.

I love those kind of desperation games — seeing if they can believably whimper and react under the threat of a real reason to have to do so.