F/m Stereotypes

» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations

In thinking about the public image of “Femdom” - the public in this case perhaps being kinky people on the web - I’ve been wondering lately how much the images of it are shaped by the submissive male.

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Take female superiority for example.

Within their own mind I think the notion that a biological female is somehow inherently above men helps them legitimize their desires. Probably is good for their fantasy life. I’ve never used female supremacist images in mine but have used similar strategies.

I visit assorted F/m weblogs and forums most days. More guys than women pushing this bit of silly sociology. (And I’m distinguishing gynarchic ideas from female led, around her finger movements, which may or may not invoke those ideas.)

Whatever makes the guys happy. Though when they seem to exclude the existence of “vanilla” and submissive women it does irk me just a tad. Dominant men as well. Appreciate the diversity of womanhood and people in general. The world would be aesthetically and emotionally impoverished were life so simple.

Land of the happy cuckolds.

In my informal, probably inaccurate survey more men than women seem to push cuckoldry. Is it men projecting their own promiscuous nature onto women? Again I’m not putting down anyone’s kink. These paragraphs are sort of what Marshall McLuhan called “probes:” ideas bounced against reality in hopes of gaining a better understanding.

Feminization is one kink where I haven’t really been able to establish a feel for to whom it is most important.

Clearly some women do really enjoy it on various levels ranging from having their submissive male wear panties or fully crossdress. The most passionate writing about it comes from men.

With feminization I encounter an uncertainty I’ve been trying to clarify for some time. How many “Mistresses” that write online are really men adopting the voice of their fantasy Domme? My only reason for caring is that authenticity is really more interesting.

And there’s the big issue.

All too often erotic female dominance is presented as impersonal passionless power relationship that smacks more of 20th century fascism than an intimate exchange between two people.

In reading people writing about their M/f and M/m love affairs - well that is what they are - two people in love. One surrendered - perhaps every day - to another. All too often when reading about dominant women you’d think they were androids programmed with no other desire than to make a man obey.

A very shallow view of the women these men say they wish to serve and adore.

Not that I’m on a mission to change things. That’d be tilting at windmills for sure.

But often I do wonder how much the image of F/m relationships is created by the submissive men.

(NB: I just ran a bulldozer over a host of issues. But I can’t return to primary questions every time I present a speculation.)

Earlier: Sexism and Male Submission?

Comments

Richard, This is a very good question. I think that the lines are very blurred between fantasy and reality, real life and the “Hollywood” version. Certainly without exception males fantasies drive the tone, the look and the direction of “femdom” to an extent in the Hollywood/prodomme versions which carries over somewhat to real life couples in everyday relationships. If you look at the online/movie version its filled with attractive models wearing very expensive outfits/leather in fabulous settings or mansions. Obviously thats not reality to the average person with average looks/body type, income etc. At the same time how many husbands have been moulded in conventional marriages by their wife? How many people are greatly affected by T.V or the big screen as far as fashion, speech, style and attitudes? Sadly most I would say. In my own humble opinion there is a large element that is influenced by submissive males but that probably applies mainly to the commercial aspect of “femdom” entertainment and prodommes. In my own expereince I take requests for certain things as far as my websites or blogs but do have very firm limits. If its not something I already do in my everyday real life I am certainly not going to do it just to satisfy someone elses fantasy or for money. But the operative word here as it applies to so many people is “money”. Many an otherwise poor starving student/artist/actress engages in adult related S/M for cash and more power to them. Empowerment in many cases begins with financial freedom and then expands outwards. Ganted its not femdom in the sense that many guys might think of it as, but from a female perspective being empowered is one form of dominance in a sense. And I also now for sure that with all the contributing elements of “Hollywood” and the male driven femdom fantasy, all over the world are middle aged married couple who engage in their own version of S/M and look, dress, talk and act nothing like what one may see online or in a movie. I guess I just think that both elements have their place and thats fine with me, as long as the fantasy driven portion doesnt lose all touch with the reality portion, (which is a whole other issue). :)

It is just another form of objectification of women. The “cruel Femdom bitch” is a submissive guy’s equivalent to the playmate of the month. I’d never knock anybody’s fantasy life - sometimes it is all you have.

I hope there didn’t seem to be any implied criticism of sex professionals. I’d meant to address that. They are just giving the customer what he wants.

The only really bad side to it that comes to my mind is that if these guys can’t step outside their fantasies they probably will never be able to have a relationship with a dominant woman. Much like a man who will only marry a woman who looks like a centerfold many cause himself to remain single.

I third this motion. I get around it by not thinking about it. And of course now I don’t have to.

Let me start by saying that I happened upon this site completely by chance when looking for some of the very submissive male shaped images that have been mentioned earlier. :)

That being said I am enamored by the intellectual community I seem to have discovered with regard to D/s.

In my somewhat brief (about 2 years real experience) time in “the scene”, I have thought this topic over extensively. I am a submissive male, and I recently graduated college with a degree in English/Philosophy with a particular focus on Feminism in general.

I believe that a large part of the D/s material that anyone, regardless of their involvement, is exposed to is male centric. This doesn’t come as a huge shock to anyone I wouldn’t think, but it works in many facets. I have found that many male Doms are conceited about their own beliefs, and I don’t think I have ever met a Dominant female that doesn’t have a story about a male Dom who tried to convince her to submit to him at some point. I have found that as a general rule, many men see women as objects whose “job” it is to carry out their sexual desires and fantasies. On the surface, Femdom would seem to be different, but in practice, it really isn’t. The woman is still there to satisfy the desires of the man, and indeed I have found that even many very healthy and uplifting Femdom relationships do not deny this fact. In these cases I have found it is merely a happy coincidence (more than coincidence surely, but more on that another time) that the woman satisfies her own desires AS WELL AS his.

I genuinely feel that the number of relationships within the realm of Femdom, as with other realms, in which a male stays in the relationship despite being unfulfilled sexually is far far far fewer than vice versa. This isn’t to say that one party or the other needs to be disatisfied, but I think it speaks to the point that it is the male sub who ultimately controls the relationship.

In Male Dom relationships, the same can be observed fairly readily. I have spoken to submissive females who stay with their Master despite never getting to partake in the activities they desire.

It has been distressing to me to find these things really, but when I think about it, not all that surprising.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about F/m Stereotypes. Please stick to the topic of the entry. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard


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