How to Woo a Domme Online

so sad that most are just looking for that quick “blast off”, most of what Femdoms online get are the I am only sub when My penis is hard. Nice to see there are some that think with the “other” head

Funny how some guys who think they want to worship a woman recreate the old stereotype of men wanting sex and women wanting relationships. Though you can grant at least the novice male submissive the assumption he’s too confused to know how to express himself (unless he sends the dreaded penis pic).

I am pretty sure the male “species” are hard wired to send that dick pic no matter what. I would be a lot richer if I could get money for all the penis shots I get before I get a simple hello LOL.

I think of myself as pansexual but will answer to bisexual if necessary.

I used to have this local guy who kept sending me a photo of his cock. It was always the same photo. It was stretch across his Microsoft keyboard making it seem like some sort of nutty ad.

My profile made it clear that dick pics weren’t anything that would impress me. But he kept on and on. Must’ve been pretty damned desperate.

But you’d know more about male desperation than I do (so far).

The operating word you used is “woo”, not all men know how to woo. I observed some older subs are a bit aggressive. They have the tendency to pressure potential Dommes to accept them even to the point of saying “it’s your loss.” It reeks of desperation. Tsk, tsk tsk!

I prefer relationships, even when I’m going to be on my knees groveling at times that include affection and mutual respect. Even if they are going to temporarily seem to vanish during play. If gender stereotypes were true my sexuality could be considered more womanlike than manlike. But I know too many decent caring normal men to take the whole Venus and Mars nonsense seriously.

i wish to have extreme humilation from mistress i wish for golden showers also brown showers assworship

rajshekhar,

Clearly you didn’t read the entry.

NB: any future like this will probably be deleted.

I would not presume to ask for anything specific from a lady sexually just to have a sexy domme willing to give her time to me whatever she wants to do is enough for me

Just as long as she’s “sexy,” eh?

Dominance it a talent. It doesn’t have anything to do with physical beauty.

And I’ll do anything guys are a dime a dozen.

the I’ll do anything only shows that a sub doesn’t know himself well at all. It says he’s either inexperienced, so he doesn’t know WHAT to say, or that he’s too lazy to express himself properly. But the key is in knowing yourself and communicating that.

First contact for me, should not have anything about a sub’s personal sexual desires… unless it’s such a huge fetish that that is all they are looking for. Just cuz I’m kinky doesn’t mean sex & BDSM is #1 on mind all the time…. impress me as a PERSON. It is ASSUMED that the sub will do anything {within limits} and scening preferences have a way of getting fulfilled even if not discussed. {sometimes}.

This is genius! I shall henceforth send all those “cut and paste” bastards who keep emailing me to this page so that they can discover some manners.

I’ve never gotten an unsolicited dick pic though. I wonder if I’d be annoyed or flattered (I tend to find them aesthetically pleasing). Likely annoyed if I didn’t know the person.

People could have taken lessons in subservience from my ex slave. I get tingles just thinking of his eloquence no matter what he did but especially when he wrote to me…

The oddest things turn me on.

GDS

If he was eloquent and you found it arousing you were a very lucky couple.

The penis photo used to be a common complaint. Though it may be more likely to happy on Yahoo than a purely BDSM personal site.

Guys used to send them to be and their butts as well. None of them had a gift for presentation.

my “actual relationships” with Dominas, Dommes, Mistresses (however you care to “title Them”) are cerebral and mental …in some ways “intellectual” …they may or may not evolve into “physical submission” (i am not adverse to that), but for me, i find a mental submission even more “personal” with my acceeding to Her dignity with a rational correspondence … for me, coming to see things “Her way” after a conversation is like a reward. and funny, even when i submit on an intellectual level, i have never felt that i have compromised anything of “my own thought” — we are simply in synch.

“better to woo than to woe” … i have found that “real dommes” (as opposed to “business play dommes”, appreciate sincerity and honesty when one writes to them. they have heard all of the usual “crap” a million times … and if YOU are looking for the “real deal”, then be assured “the real deal is also looking for the real deal” …

a true domme can cut through to the truth faster than a hot knife through room temperature butter!

also, the most essential truth She may be looking for is “respect and reverence” … She is not there to be used … YOU ARE!

Excellent comment. Refreshing. I did indeed paste your link to this article in my profile. More subs need to read things like this. Unfortunately, so many are loners that this kind of good advice doesn’t get out. Good luck and I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

haha I’m a male and I can say that I have not ever sent a picture of my penis to anyone, infact I do not even have a picture of my penis.. hell why would I need one I see the damn thing every day as it is.

This shouldn’t have to be said, but I think many would do well to check their grammer and spelling. I’m not suggesting that it will win you points, but having poor English skills could lose some. It’s not necessary to have perfect grammer, I would say, but I’ve seen some profiles that are devoid of complete sentences. Obviously rules are a little more relaxed in a chat room or when posting to threads like this where all you care about is getting your message across. When writing something that should be formal and more important to you, though, try to craft your words well.

I had another thought. Mind you, this thought is very far in “no duh” territory, but… Please read their profiles. I’ve gotten many comments from ladies who were happy that I read all of their profiles. Why? Why aren’t men taking the time to read everything that the Lady they would like to spend time with has to say? If she, like Richard, says no dick pics, and you send one, then you either: 1. Didn’t care enough to read about them, or (maybe worse) 2. Didn’t care enough to respect their wishes.

Richard, I almost hope you delete this post of mine for being SO obvious that it isn’t even worth saying. Hell, those guys probably aren’t even reading this site anyway. Except rajshekhar.

I’m a terrible proofreader as anyone who has seen one of my sites knows. But using a word processor does keep me from making as many typos as I used to. I suspect anybody who can’t distinguish between the o and 0 keys isn’t going to get a reply.

The only fault I can make with your point about actually reading profiles is that the men who don’t bother to do that will probably never read this page. The poor fellows are so caught up in their hunger that they forget that they are approaching an individual human being not a domination machine.

The Domme is the one who is supposed to do the objectifying.

Well, I did point out that fault, too :) I’m hoping that more delightful Ladies like Mlicious will direct those souls here.

There is some advice that might be helpful to your readers, though: pick a screenname and/or email address that stands out.

Go to collarme.com and search for male subs. Notice how many names deal with fetishes? If you want to stand out when twenty-five names pop up on a Dommes screen you need a name that says something about you.

Mine worked. I had a Lady initiate contact with me becaue of it. Why? Because Captain Tripps is an obscure reference to Stephen King’s The Stand. I could just as easily have gone with “Samwise”, “SixStringStrummer”, or “Stargazer”; it doesn’t really matter as long as it’s something that may get a Lady interested.

While “ShooShyneBoi4U” informs them of one of my kinks (and no, you can’t use it!), I may as well wear camoflague while trying to be rescued in the jungle.

“Dominance it a talent. It doesn’t have anything to do with physical beauty.”

Very well said. I have seen both the pretty and the not so handsome that had more “talent” than the most beautiful.I think it comes from a confidence in who they are and the time spent learning the skills necessary to fine tune their craft.

“while she may want to know how you look in petticoats she probably wants a guy who is a man.

You do read stories of women who reduce men to 24/7 sissymaids and permanent cuckolds. Often I’ve suspected these were men living out their fantasies by creating an online faux-Domme persona that enforces them.”

i do wish you (and others) would speak some more to this….one profile i read on a bdsm site that has stuck in my mind was one where the Domme stated She wanted a masculine slave… is this more “satisfying” to the Domme? Breaking down a man vs a sissy?? curious minds want to know!

Excellent!! I will send the morons who e-mail here hence forth. It is unbelievable to me that people think that just because they meet you in an online setting that manners and etiquette do not apply. First impressions are extremely important if someone insults me or annoys me right off the bat chances are they will NOT be getting another chance!

Dark Goddess

I noticed one thing missing from the article about finding and wooing a Dominant Woman, and that is, if you are seeking real time play or servitude, you need to make sure the prospective Domme you are interested in is geographically and financially accessible to you. No sense sending an email to a person you can never visit because of distance or lack of tribute.

This was a good start, you could update it though. I started reading the comments but thought of something to add halfway along.

Men need to write a real letter when they email. Those quickie emails (not spellchecked even) are horrible. How can they say they respect us, want to serve, etc, if they can’t even take the time to write a real letter to us?

I’d love to find a sub male for a relationship but I have pretty much stopped looking. All the men are either looking for a porn model or have lists of how I can serve them. That’s not what I want, kind of disgusts me really.

Good blog. I’ve been here before, reading about your experiences with chastity. This time I was looking for Gorean male sub information. I met one online once, he was very polite, we had a lovely conversation.

I never “forget” to answer a male slave who writes Me. However, his phantasies must correspond to Mine, to build up a virtual relationship. Madeleine

I think the honest matching of fantasies is a must if virtual worship is really going to happen. While I think a submissive man can reprogram himself to some degree in an established relationship anyone who tries that at the beginning is just misleading himself (and her).

You won’t have any problems locating men who promise “everything.” Some will really believe they can give that but really can’t. Others know that and are just looking for easy kicks.

I was surprised the first time I read a Domina write of feeling betrayed by an online slave who it turned out had been lying to her for months. She felt badly used and betrayed.

I think you might consider some of the smaller but active female domination forums:

http://houseofkink.com

and

http://orgasmdenial.com

There are some very sincere and intelligent men on both forums.

http://collarchat.com and the related http://collarme.com are good. They are also very, very busy. You’ll get lots of responses. Lots and lots. And it will take much of your time to weed through them.

I think the best approach would be to list what you are looking for in a slave in detail. And invite them to reply at length explaining why they should be considered. For online D/s to work you are going to need to find a man who isn’t shy or afraid to use words since those will be the main tokens of his genuine adoration of you as his Goddess.

You are probably going to experience a fair amount of frustration in dealing with time wasters but I think they’ll be easy to spot: they’ll be demanding, even though they seem to be asking. Ultimately what they say to you will be about what they want without real regard to what you’ve said that you are looking for.

Hope this is of some help.

I reread your advice on wooing Mistresses the other day, which reminded me why I’ve been referring it to eager subs … but I’ve waited to comment until I had something to add. Points have been raised about making sure the object of your .. er .. dreams is geographically available to you. However no-one has raised the issue of TIME in regard to online Mistresses. As a Mistress based in Australia while most subs rise eagerly on the other side of the planet half a day or more later the issue of Time, believe me, is HUGE. I would therefore greatly appreciate your adding in to your great article the fact that contacting Mistresses with your first requests for attention at their crack of dawn (or earlier) is a tad unwise. You are unlikely to receive the kind of response you want when Mistress has been woken at 4am (as has happened to me these last two days). Believe me at 4am Mistress does NOT want to want to consider your submission, does NOT want to play, does NOT want to see your (I am sure very nice) dick photos and does NOT want to watch you wank…

Sigh … lol. Keep up the great writing!

Sorry forgot to mention in that last comment, have you see the rather good “Advice on Applications to a Mistress” in the Orgasm Denial website forums? I think most of it, if not all, you have covered, but it might be worth a check re your research: http://www.orgasmdenial.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=3608

“What’s in it for me?’ is everyone’s question.

When a malesub asks that question, the right answer is something like, “Absolutely nothing, you worthless piece of shit; it’s all about Me. And don’t you forget it, worm.”

When a Female dominant (or any Female, actually) asks the same question, the answer from Her malesub correspondent should resemble, “Anything You want, Mistress, and thank You for asking this worthless groveling scum.”

Anything else, or any dissatisfaction with those responses, will probably put an end to the conversation right there.