Masochist or Slave?
» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations
As I became aware of BDSM and how it is practiced I identified mostly as a masochist. While I had plenty of dreams of being controlled it was the pain that I focused on.
My time with Alexandra has altered that perception.
Having her boot on my neck thrills me.
Being her footstool is surprisingly serene.
When she makes her putty pet I can’t express how happy I am.
Eating a banana she’d ground into the floor was as ecstatic as horrible.
Not that I don’t want pain. There are agonies I’ve yet to experience that I hope her sadism will subject me to.
When she slaps my face humiliation and pain dovetail.
Really the idea of quantifying the two aspects - the desires to be made lowly and to be hurt - is silly. But it is my nature to try to measure and seek out the nuances of everything I do.
Comments
Finding my way through the semantic forest has been confusing in the past. You have often wondered am I more dominant or more sadistic and depending on how I have tried to define these concepts I have come up with different answers.
I find that really I need both sadism and dominance to get the full extatic experience. Just causing you pain can be boring if there isn’t some kind of psychological element or mind game present, or a way to feel that I really am in control of your mind and can bend you at my whim.
Posted by: Alexandra | August 12, 2005 11:11 PM