On the Origins of Extreme Fantasies

My prior relationship turned out to be a sexual dead-end. Strongly attracted to the person I would live with for a few years I found myself facing steadily incrementing frustration.

I masturbated frequently. Sometimes three to five times a day. Hadn’t done that since adolescence.

Many of my most extreme fantasies were born of this.

Often I’d masturbate to prevent sexual desire. I wanted to kill it rather than feel longing.

My first session or two were often vanilla enough - I don’t like the BDSM usage of ‘vanilla’ but I’ll use it this once.

To achieve orgasm in the later workouts I had to up the voltage of the fabrications. Harsher pain, more demeaning bondage. Pure Hell really.

Eventually I became addicted to visualizing the most degrading and agonizing acts.

Until Alexandra and I started talking about D/s and S&M. When we starting talking about getting together the gross desires receded.

Oh they still live on in the back of my mind. At times a little more lively while we’ve been apart.

Who knows maybe some of those scenarios will be incorporated in our play, though much diminished in vehemence.

My guess is that for many masochists, people who crave to submit this is a common progress. Frustration leads to more and more extravagant fantasies until the preposterously severe is all that can satisfy them.

Finally they come online begging to be subjected to acts they probably couldn’t really endure. Inevitably offering to do ‘anything.’ Though anything often seems to be a carefully contrived sequence of specific acts: a formula they’ve climaxed to for countless nights.

I can empathize with their thwarted erotic cravings, how it can distort the mind.

All of us, on either side of the power exchange, have fantasies it would be dangerous to try to bring to our lives. There’s no reason to not enjoy them.

But loving surrender beats my wacky fantasies.