Post-Femdom?
» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations
I own a used bookshop. There’s a regular customer that I used to call the “Vienna Sausage.” Why? I don’t know. Something about him brought that unlovely canned meat to mind. Eventually I got to know him and now refer to him by his name.
Not that all my nicknames for customers are unflattering. “Paperback Paul” got his name because of the exceptional quality of the imported paperback books he sells us (sometimes contributing to my own personal library of English farce).
Anybody in retail has gives regular customers such nicknames or matches them to generic types.
I do the same with bloggers.
There’s one fellow I often think of as Mr. Baptist Femdom. Not that he’s Christian as far as I know. Probably fundamentalist would be better focused than Baptist. Much of what he says about F/m relationships is reminiscent of the Old Guard. It is just his fusty, earnest manner that makes him seem a bit churchy.
And there’s Mr. Generic Femdom. Over time he’s touched upon just about every standard wish one associates with heterosexual submissive guys. He always writes very clearly, almost glibly. I’ve half suspected him to be writing Femdom for Dummies. He seems to have never met a kink he didn’t like. Probably he’s using his blog in an attempt to meet a woman. A smart move and I wish him success.
The Legion of Single Chastity Bloggers are too numerous for me to think of individually. They are without a Domme and their most commonly expressed wish is to be put in a CB-3000 or the like. There isn’t a single person that I don’t wish the blessing of the right partner. Or at least a Night Flirt account.
Many are in the Kowtow Camp. About all they do is praise Mistresses: their own, someone else’s, some real, others virtual. If they seem to be unhappy I worry about them. Over time sameness seems to pervade so I don’t return often.
None of this is to dismiss anybody. I’m just one of those people for whom a life without irony isn’t worth living.
Catching myself at this informal classifying did give me a notion.
Everyone has heard the word postmodern. Whatever it may mean to you, I see $$$$ because I make good money peddling it.
There’s also post-gay (meaning that one’s sexual orientation isn’t a defining factor – boy did the anti-gay marriage crowd give that a kick in the head). And the post-feminists (about which I have mixed feelings: the feminist cause is yet to be won for every woman).
But I wondered: what about Post-Femdom?
The “post” implies being past something.
I guess it would be not feeling bound or concerned by imagined universal truths about female dominant relationships. Focusing instead on the quirks, tastes, inclinations and needs of the two people involved.
No ideology, theory – just two people engaged in a fulfilling power exchange of whatever sort best satisfies them.
Free of clichés but also free to use any stereotypes they wish.
Or something like that.
If you find the term Post-Femdom amusing let me know what it implies to you? (Or you can tell me why you hate it.)
Comments
I got a chuckle out of this one. I didn’t realize til I read your observations that I do the same thing, far too often.
Post-Femdom… interesting phrase. I think that’s a category I’d put myself in, actually, as to me it implies a Domme who’s finally gotten over herself and just settled into being who she is, enjoying each experience to the fullest. I tend to shudder at reading a lot of Femdom sites anymore, simply because most seem to be full of self-aggrandizing women desperately seeking respect from peers instead of reveling in their own grace and power.
Posted by: Myles | August 8, 2006 6:58 PM
The Kowtow Contingent and the Single in Chastity group are the two that get on my nerves. Moreso when they combine - the Single Guy in Chastity Kowtower. Maybe it’s people who don’t understand that fantasy works really well - only in the movies.
And I don’t mind dissing someone ;-)
Posted by: Tom Allen | August 9, 2006 11:02 AM
To the degree that those guys confuse others I tend to see them as a form of social pollution.
When I write about what I don’t like of here I feel that I need to walk a very fine line. Since I really do want to help people - to the very limited degree that is possible - to think more clearly about all this I try to make sure I don’t come across as just arrogant.
Posted by: Richard | August 9, 2006 3:04 PM
While I love the light tone of this post, I think there’s a serious thread underneath here. It took me years to get an idea of what post-… meant, particularly “post-modern.” But like any true convert, I’m fascinated by the idea now.
I think you could go much further with the “beastiary” of on-line male submissives, by the way. I’ll try to think up some contributions.
But on post-femdom, I think “post-…” means, having found the “essence” or distinguishing characteristic of something, then being able to discard all the social baggage that comes with it and just focussing on that essence. Thus, “the modern” was accompanied by all sorts of technological and social changes, but I think the “essence” of it was a change in how we view our relationship to history. (Whether this is the right interpretation isn’t important for this discussion, just that “relationship to history” is one aspect of what we commonly refer to as “modern”.)
For femdom, I think the equivalent concept is “power exchange.” Once we become comfortable with the power dynamics of our relationships, and once we become comfortable throwing them back and forth and exploring and playing with them, and not being forced to see them through the lense of “I am a male submissive” or “I am a dominatrix”, then I think we will have gotten to post-femdom.
Posted by: Jamie | August 31, 2006 10:18 AM
I owe Alexandra for teaching me how fluid and variable things can be even in a single relationship. I’m sure other people need more structure or fixed roles.
Hopefully more and more folks with kinky needs will get past the stereotypes.
Thanks.
Posted by: Richard | August 31, 2006 10:48 AM
I think this one doesn’t make any sense: breungles, mentioned somewhere
Posted by: Aron Bertrang | October 9, 2007 7:37 PM