Sexism and Male Submission?

» BDSM, D/s, S&M: Speculations

I was skimming through a collection of cartoons and noticed that many of them featured a man doing the housework while his wife relaxed. An assortment of thoughts passed through my mind.

I

The farces of P.G. Wodehouse are among the chief joys of my life. In rereading a few it struck me how intimidated the men are by the women and that among married couples it is always the woman that rules.

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Men as bumblers guided by smart girlfriends and wives have long been a staple of pop culture.

Running my mind over the old sitcoms I can remember it seems - and these statistics are exceedingly informal - that this depiction of marriage appeared more often than not. The exceptions that come to mind tend to be father/daughter sitcoms. And Lucille Ball’s assorted TV shows: but her specialty was slapstick.

Bewitched stands out in my mind: the Darrens were such dorks. Refusing to let Samantha use her powers. Sometimes for chauvinistic reasons.

Bondie for decades was the most popular comic strip in America. Dagwood’s days were a series of follies watched over by his patient wife.

II

My mother worked. Most of the women around me as I grew up worked. I don’t remember anyone talking about the man being the boss. Except at church and that is a horror story I’ve told elsewhere.

III

I came of age during the Women’s Liberation Movement and considered myself a feminist man.

While some inequalities continue they seem to be dying a steady death. I have a female physician. Can’t think of anyone I know whom female professionals surprise. Among the people I know a woman who wanted to revert to some sort of 1950s lifestyle would be the anomaly.

All of my female friends have been self-directed. None acted like a scatterbrain. None of them wanted to be housewives. The woman I talk to the most nowadays often works as a construction laborer.

IV

What does this have to do with F/m D/s you ask?

Sometimes in reading F/m weblogs by men it seems that the author has just discovered gender equality (if not female superiority). That it was only in discovering his submissive desires that he became aware of women as thinking creatures.

I’m sure there’s residual sexism in 21st century America, just as there’s racism and homophobia.

But I wonder about the guys I mentioned.

Do they project sexism onto the world at large to make themselves feel special?

During years of self-suppression did they cultivate sexist opinions as a way of hiding from their desires?

Is there any connection between sexism and woman worship?

I don’t have an opinion. But I am curious.

Comments

I think that the roles of men and women have been changing for years, as the need for physical labor declined, but that our attitudes simply did not keep up.

Most women in successful marriages are in some amount of control of their households, usually in the “She who must be obeyed” tones of Rumpole of the Bailey. A lot of unsuccessful marriages come from men and women who do not work out their roles carefully enough — and those include a lot of tbe “King of my castle” guys.

However, the chest beating, ego strutting of male culture rarely permits this to be acknowledged, so we get a lot of myths and terms like p-whipped.

Of the successful marriages and long-term relationships among people I’ve known fairly well there’s never been in sense of “roles” aside maybe from acting out sexual fantasies. They love each other; treat one another as equals.

Of the members of my peer groups that I can think of where one partner was particularly bossy it usually ended in divorce.

Not that there aren’t exceptions. There are men and women who do need a partner who can be in charge to some degree. It ranges from needing someone with greater life experience and decisiveness to F/m and M/f couples who engage in lifestyle D/s.

In my experience (outside of this arena and into real life), sexism has become the unspoken taboo that racism has.

There was a time in our culture that we could call out sexism or racism or other various “isms” as we saw it. We could protest it, we could be honest about our own feelings.

These days, political correctness has become a pejorative, and being a feminist is akin to being a man bashing lesbian again. What the fuck happened? I don’t believe that sexism is dead and the sexes are equal in this society, I believe that we talk about it less and women are now torn between being superworking wonders and mothers, and are still defined by roles not as people.

Just watch one episode of Dr. Phil (ugh) where he pits the “working moms” against the “homemakers”. They hate each other, attack each other and derride each other for being less of a human for their position. Cultural shame if I ever saw it.

In my opinion, women have adopted a feeling of shame and guilt for wanting more, and have tried with limited success to conform to a patriarchy and acheive some kind of rights. Yes, we are better off. No, we are not equal. Yes, men really don’t get it—being in the majority makes it hard to understand the experience of someone in a minority (by minority, I mean not in numbers but in status).

The best men get on some level that equality goes deeper than “oh hey, women can be construction workers too now”, and goes to a cultural attitude that is simply absent.

Right then. Now you know my long winded opinion. I think you’re in the best men category, of course :)

Not being able to see Dr. Phil is justification enough for not having a TV.

I guess Ive just done a very good job of creating my own little enclave of likeminded friends and since I own my own small used bookshop Im isolated from conventional America even at work.

I used to want to have a Gender Switch built in so I could become a woman at will and see what life was like for females. I guess Id learn that many things havent changed.

Ill do my best to stay in that category, thanks.

I find the paradox between sexism and male submission quite fascinating. I have always been quite sexist, never comfortable with the idea of women being in positions of power or giving men orders. That said, why do I find the idea of being the naked, bound, and humiliated sex toy of a confident and assertive female so erotic? Perhaps part of the attraction is the idea of being broken into submission. I would not start off submissive, I would need to be tied up and whipped/cbt’d into submission. Maybe it’s similar to homophobes being secretly gay, deep down?

To complicate matters even further … What about men who profess to view women as superior, but who then demand of their dommes: “Dress me up as a girl, and then beat me!” Why should being dressed as a girl make it okay in their mind to then be treated roughly? How can this be reconciled in any way with a female supremicist attitude?

The implicit sexism of feminization has often troubled me: there’s a sense that femininity is inferior. I realize that may not be the inner experience of people who participate in it.

Some say it is a challenge to the ‘male ego’ but that strikes me as misandrist sexism.

And having a number of very feminine boyfriends I can only reject the idea that a femme guy is in some way inferior or laughable.

Wives should realize that the husband should be teased into jealosy until he is aroused and excited before being thoroughly humiliated. This is best done in the bedroom and preferably by whispering in his ear. Phsychology polls show that husbands become very sumissive and continued humiliation over a period of time causes them to allow their wives sexual freedoms.

I think it’s beautiful that men realize their inferiority to women and rightfully get on their knees so woman can either feminize them, help men to surrender to the stronger and superior female sex.

Thankfully most dominant women are too smart to fall for sexist silliness.

It is fine as a game: but horrific sociology.

most men know nothing about submission. i thank that is why once a man submits to a woman,real submission. what i call face to face submission.he will never be the same. it does not matter if he was a sexest dog,he is her’s now.he will never be the same.

I’m not sure why some confuse submission or bottoming with inferiority. I wouldn’t enjoy dominating a man who thought he was weak or inferior. True submission requires a healthy self-esteem. I also won’t accept a man dressing in women’s clothes in order for him to be able to submit. That is not submission, it’s role-playing. I love a man on his knees in all his testosterone-controlled maleness. Let me put it in more familiar language: would you rather drive the beetle or the Porsche? I’ll take the Porsche.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Sexism and Male Submission?. Please stick to the topic of the entry. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard


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