Under Her Thumb

Ah, just imagine a man who comes home from work and wants to watch the television programs that he enjoys the most. Clearly a time to put the selfish male creature in his place.

And you must be just a creep if you have conventional sexual feelings for your mate that she doesn’t reciprocate.

The former is bad enough to belong in some sort of parody. The latter is my impression of the bad heterosexual relationships of my parents’ generation. (Can you imagine two same-sex couples feeling that way?)

This wasn’t the way I meant to start this entry. My intent was to write about men who want to be Under Her Thumb.

Even though the Under Her Thumb movement is very alien to me as a highly romantic pansexual male without a typical sense of gender I follow it. Like an avid entomologist I put the sites under my glass hoping for insight.

Part of me is troubled intellectually by what often seems like bad sociology mixed with John Gray’s Mars & Venus nonsense dumped on top of the sitcom stereotypes of my childhood. That doesn’t mean that I think someone whose erotic and emotional happiness depends on pop psychology shouldn’t embrace that if it what they need.

Not to mention notions about genetics that would bring Richard Dawkins to tears.

I hadn’t planned on returning to this theme. Feeling that I’d exhausted what I might have to say my plan was to never say more. But my earlier entries about Femdom clichés and standardized roles left me feeling one final entry might be OK.

On an average day I hit I have no idea how many forums and weblogs. Some of them of the matriarchal, gynarchic variety. Mostly F/m anymore. Not that I haven’t profited from the lessons to be had from M/f sites. If I’d found them would surely have my understanding would’ve been enriched by examples of same-sex power exchange.

What caught my roving attention was that the men who espouse female superiority have the same kinks as the men who don’t. But they like to cloak it in a weird ideology, a macabre morality.

(Just imagine what it would be like to read a submissive woman pushing male supremacy … ! )

Their imagination takes them down the familiar paths of feminization (or at least wearing panties), enforced chastity and cuckolding. It can be almost impossible to distinguish the fetishes of the man who wants to be Under Her Thumb from the man who feels a need to have his masculinity defeated. I repeat: if that is what you desire, then I hope that is what you get.

But I see no stronger desire for worship than I experience when wanting to sit at Alexandra’s feet. Maybe less. I think I find joy in just the shift in geometry. If she’ll simply accept me there I can be happy. Sure I’d like more. And – thankfully – she’s glad to give me more.

I might be unkind enough to claim my adoration of her is purer. It is given from love without contriving a fantastical justification. Just love. But the relationship is about us. Not trying to be “better” at D/s than the folks down the street. This BDSM keeping up with the Joneses is sadly funny.

I don’t see the Under Her Thumb men offering more. And the hausfraus that want hubby to the dishes just seem like dull variations on the sitcom wife.

The female supremacist men don’t seem to experience anything more “authentic” and emotionally powerful.

I’m sorry but it often seems like the most impoverished image of heterosexual happiness.

And, to be honest, my poor friends who feel their biology makes them inferior: there are more dominant women who want an equal that surrenders than someone who thinks he’s found some silly socioeconomic truth.

But if you see yourself as a dishwasher who never has an orgasm I hope that you really find fulfillment in that role.

This was written using the kitchen sink approach: I threw in every metaphor, simile and aside that passed through my mind. If you laughed at any point you earned my thanks. If you have a complaint please use the complaint form below.

Say goodnight Gracie.