Mistress Lauren M

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The case of ProDomme Mistress Lauren M of New Hampshire, which has been in the news on and off has finally gone to trial. One of clients had a heart attack while waiting for a session.

According to Nelson, Asher was getting into her dominatrix outfit when she heard a commotion coming from the “dungeon” where Lord was waiting, naked, tied by his wrists to the rack, a replica of a medieval torture device.

She entered the room to find Lord in his death throes, the prosecutor said, citing Asher’s statement to police a month later.

Supposedly the dominatrix and her boyfriend then chopped his body up and buried the bits in parts as yet unknown.

DA: Dominatrix hid client’s death

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As a (non-pro) domina who is also a New Hampshirite, I have to correct you on one point. Mistress Lauren M (Barbara Asher) is from Massachusetts. The unfortunate client, Michael Lord, was the one from New Hampshire. :-)


Sometimes it it hard to know. In another recent prosecution the newspapers kept getting the state wrong.

First of all I would like to let everyone know that Mistress Lauren M was found non-guilty in this case. A lot of news has been given to this case recently and I think it’s important that the BDSM community congrajulates Mistress Lauren M on her victory. So Congrajulations.

Congratulations?! Are you cognitively challenged? This low-life scumbag lets this guy die instead of calling for help. Then she cuts his body up into little pieces and throws it behind a business. She is to be congratulated?

She readily admits to all of this. The reason she was found not guilty was only because they couldn’t find a body. Presumably rats ate it. Nice, ha? Just what we need in this world another sociopath who has no regard for human life.

pk is right, your all a bunch of scumbags.

Don’t insult my mistress.

Mistress Lauren of Quincy, MA didn’t have the guts to call 911 - some DOMINANT personality, huh ?

Look at the lack of evidebce, this was clearly a case of harrasment

I’m afraid I have to agree with PK, although not necessarily with the way he said it.

I’m a guy who, for whatever reason, isn’t capable of arousal unless the woman takes charge of me. It’s not something I can change (for those of you out there who think I’m a perv, I tried to change and repress it for 2-3 years so it’s not for lack of trying).

Being wired that way puts me in a tough position, because before I can trust a woman to put me in restraints or anything I need to know to a 100% certainty that she’ll be careful and that I won’t wind up injured, an unwilling prisoner, dead, or whatever.

As almost anybody in the BDSM world will tell you, it’s VITAL that you be able to trust the person you play with. If this mistress not only failed to call police or paramedics, but hid the body afterwards…I’m sorry, I can’t trust somebody who’d cover up such a terrible accident in that way.

That being said, I don’t agree with the prosecutor’s tactics. Dumping bondage equipment in front of a jury and showing them what she does for a living is totally prejudicial, obviously intended to shock and disgust them and put them into a frame of mind like “OMG, I can’t believe she would do that to another person even if they wanted it, how sick, let’s teach her a lesson.”

There are some kinds of BDSM play that make me squeamish, like anything involving cuts or burns for instance. But at the end of the day it’s all consensual, and the only questions that matter are:

A) is the submissive enjoying the experience and

B) will the experience stop if the submissive really begins to get miserable and makes that known to the dominant?

If the answer to both questions is yes, then there’s nothing criminal about it. Weird? Maybe. But not criminal.

It’s a million wonders that this hasn’t happened long before now. I’m wondering how many jurors were closet subs themselves? I’m sure everyone would be surprised the extent of the BDSM culture. Kudos Mistress Lauren! Just be more careful next time :)

~The Mistress Formerly Known as Beauty, Knoxville, TN

What I have read says this case was dubious at best. She confessed but it was never written down and the police lost their notes and they know where the body was dumped but no trace was ever found there… Please, this is absurd.

Tough case. Looks to me like she was acquitted more due to police and prosecutorial incompetence than due to her actual innocence of the charges. She confessed, but the police failed to tape the confession and destroyed their interrogation notes after filing their reports? HELLO, how dumb can they be? Any defense attorney with half a brain will go after such incompetence like an attack dog, and claim either no confession or a coerced confession, which is just what happened. It also appears the police bungled some aspects of the investigation, both from evidence presented in court and from media statements made by the victim’s sons. Of course the lack of a body and any DNA evidence hurt the prosecution too, but does that mean there was none to be found or that the search and forensic investigation were mishandled? I guess we’ll never know. Also, one of Lord’s sons told the media that Asher had contacted Lord’s mother in Texas to apologize for her role in his death, but that evidence was not presented in court. Why not? Was there some problem or inconsistency with that evidence, or was the prosecutor just incompetent? Given his antics during closing arguments, I’d go with incompetent. Whatever, there are many unanswered questions in this case, but what it all boils down to is this—in a criminal prosecution, guilt must be proven beyond a reasonable doubt, and there was enough reasonable doubt in this case to acquit the defendant. Does that mean that Asher is completely innocent and played no role whatsoever in Lord’s death/disappearance? Of course not. It just means the jury wasn’t convinced of her guilt beyond a reasonable doubt—a very high standard of proof. Some (maybe many) of the jurors may have a gut feeling that she DID have something to do with Lord’s demise (as do I) but one can’t convict on a gut feeling in the absence of thoroughly convincing evidence to prove guilt. Had I been one of her jurors, I’d have voted to acquit as well, all the while harboring a gut feeling that Ms. Asher is a VERY lucky woman.

One interesting angle is to wonder whether or not police and prosecutorial bias and attitudes about the VICTIM and his conduct might have played a role in the bungled investigation and subsequent incompetence? Perhaps the kinky death and disappearance of a “sicko” “pervert” wasn’t too high on their priority list? Maybe when it came to really getting to the bottom of what happened to Lord and why, and holding someone accountable for it, their hearts just weren’t in it?

As a Femdom male sub who thoroughly enjoys consensual, safe, and sane BDSM activities, I must say that regardless of her acquittal, if I were in MA I would not in a million years contract for the services of Mistress Lauren M after this incident. Hopefully her “business” is dead in the water with no hope of resuscitation, or she’s made the sensible and decent choice to move on to other things.

Let’s not forget that she’s not out of the woods yet—she’s still facing a civil wrongful death suit for $1m from Lord’s family, and the burden of proof in such cases is considerably lower than in criminal cases (preponderance of evidence vs. beyond a reasonable doubt). Also, her boyfriend and alleged accomplice is still facing criminal prosecution for the dismemberment/corpse disposal charge. It will be interesting to see how that turns out…

As a responsible Dominant, I’m appalled by those congratulating this woman for escaping punishment. This isn’t a question of guilt. She ADMITTED that he was at her house, died, and then she and someone else CUT HIM UP and disposed of him rather than calling 911. What part of that is responsible or trustworthy? (Or SANE?)Those actions show someone more worried about her business being busted than the welfare of a human being in her care. I’ve heard from a friend of hers that she has moved to Rhode Island and is now practicing her trade there. Submissives remember- just because someone is a “Pro” doesn’t mean you are safe in their hands. Trust is foremost in D/s.

Excellent comments by both BondageLover and Spicey, IMHO.

To respond to the question posed by BondageLover, I suppose it’s possible that the authorities bungled it because their hearts weren’t in it…however, there’s likely just as high a percentage of closet BDSM’ers in the police department and DA’s office as Mistress Beauty speculated there was on a jury. So it’s pretty hard to imagine that NONE of their hearts were in it and they ALL thought the victim was a sicko pervent. Not to mention, if they thought the victim was a sicko pervert and they had something against “sickos”, would they not want to go after Asher as well?

In any event, like BondageLover I wouldn’t play with this woman even if SHE payed ME because I don’t have enough trust in her, and like Spicey I suggest those in RI stay away from her.

I agree with Spicey and Just another sub in re the paramount importance to a sub of unwavering trust in his/her Dom(me). Of course, one makes oneself vulnerable in any sort of sexual or erotic encounter, and any of them could (and many of them do) go sour or end badly. But due to the very nature of BDSM activities, trust, communication, mutual respect, awareness and respect of boundaries, adequate prep/planning/coordination, a sensible course of action if things go wrong, caring, concern, and consideration of others, empathy—all these qualities are enormously important for a safe, sane, consensual, and mutually enjoyable BDSM experience. If any of those qualities appear to be lacking, a sub should think long and hard about submitting to the hand of any Dom(me). I myself would take a pass and find someone else who did meet those qualities.

Of course, even if all the i’s appear to be dotted and all the t’s appear to be crossed, one never really KNOWS. A sub is still rolling the dice and taking quite a risk by submitting to any BDSM activity. Sociopaths are quite adept at disguising themselves outwardly as normal, caring, trustworthy people, and not all sociopaths are male, either. A sub is taking a calculated risk for pleasure, but we all do that in various ways throughout life—the situation is just a bit more extreme and “kinky” to the larger cutlture when it comes to BDSM. And it’s part of the thrill of being a BDSM sub—the thought as you submit and are restrained and punished: “Have I made a big mistake here? Do I REALLY know and trust this person with my health/safety/welfare? Is this person really a freak deep down inside? Will I be sorry for doing this? Will this be the end for me? If something goes awry and I die in this encounter, is this how I want to go? How will my family/friends react?” I’m not saying I’ve thought all these questions at the start of every sub encounter I’ve ever had, but I’d be lying to say that I don’t have a quick, similar moment of doubt flash through my mind as I start every sub session. Of course, those thoughts just help make the session that much hotter ;-)

The vast majority of BDSM encounters are safe, sane, and consensual and end without trauma, serious injury, or worse. The vast majority of BDSM practitioners are similarly sane, competent, and responsible people. As a BDSM-loving sub, I wince when the handful of sociopaths in the community are exposed, both because their crimes are so revolting and because of the effect they have on public opinion. And, sadly, there have been a number of graphic cases in recent years, of Dom(me)s drugging, raping, sadistically torturing, and killing subs, and in some cases having sex with the corpses, cannibalizing them, or otherwise gruesomely disposing of them. These cases both reinforce the need for unquestionable trust in a Dom(me) and the practical impossibility of ever achieving such trust with 100% certainty, and certainly should give any sub pause, hopefully making him/her more hesitant and thoughtful before submitting to any encounter.

My personal experience is a case in point—nearly all of my sub experiences have been just fine, but I have had a couple that creeped me out. In those, there was something about the Dommes that I found a bit disturbing—their personality dynamics were too icy, or weird, or off in some way. I’m not a shrink and can’t put my finger on it exactly, but there were just things there that made me somewhat uncomfortable. I shut out my inner voice telling me to walk away, and submitted anyway, and regretted it both times. I lived to tell the tale, of course, and never suffered serious injury. I walked away from both incidents when we were finished. But during the sessions I got the distinct impression that the Dommes were sadistic in a bad way (not sadistic in a safe, sane, fun, enjoyable, respectful way, but sadistic in an “I-really-want-to-hurt-this-guy-badly” way). It felt like if they knew they could get away with it, they’d do much more than they were doing, and I’d be in serious trouble. I also detected more than a whiff of man-hating in their approach, like I was an insect or appropriate target of hatred or violence and deserved to be treated as such. Degradation, dehumanization, treatment like an animal (e.g. dog training), etc. all can be fun elements of fantasy roleplaying in BDSM, if done appropriately, but any reasonable person should be able to tell when certain lines have been crossed, and I felt that they were in these sessions. They were far more intense than I had bargained for, and not in a good way. I left them feeling chilled to the bone and quite shaken, and took rather lengthy “vacations” from my BDSM play activities after them in order to re-center myself. They haven’t turned me off being a sub, but they have made me much more careful and cautious than I was before.

In re Just another sub’s contention that there were closet BDSM lovers among the police, in the DA’s office, and on the jury—well, maybe there were? Who knows? But remember, many cops and prosecutors tend to be rather conservative, mainstream folks, and many of them are likely to have negative feelings about BDSM. All it takes is a few people with bad attitudes in the wrong places at the wrong times to seriously compromise an investigation and/or prosecution. But it’s all just speculation either way. You’re right that any negative attitudes toward BDSM among them could just as easily have motivated them to go after Asher with gusto, but does it have to be either/or? Perhaps judgmentalism on the part of police and prosecutors led to both a botched investigation AND an emotionally-laden, overzealous prosecution of a defendant that exceeded the limits of the evidence they had at their disposal? If so, the end result was an unmitigated disaster for everyone (except the lucky Ms. Asher) and a miscarriage of justice.

Spicey, thanks for the info on Asher in Rhode Island. I think it speaks volumes that she has continued her activities and hasn’t shown the quiet decency to leave them behind and move on to other things. I don’t see her as worthy of “kudos” or “congratulations” as some on this string have. I’m a convinced atheist, and yet it needs to be said: God(dess) help the subs of Rhode Island! They’re going to need it!

I am glad Mistress Lauren was found not guilty. Did she confess? Clearly the jury did not believe the officers who had failed to video the claimed confession, discarded their notes, and failed to follow regular police procedure and obtain a signature to a written confession. Further the claimed “confession” included details such as cutting up a body and disposing of the parts behind a restaurant. However no blood or other evidence was found at the claimed scene and no body parts were found at the restaurant. Anyone who has ever watched The Sopranos knows the dismembering a body produces a bloody mess. People can be coerced or tricked into false confessions and if there is no corroborating evidence the case is very weak unless the person continues to confess when out of the hands of the police. Probably the prosecutors thought to rely on jury repugnance to her profession to gain a false conviction and garner career advancing publicity for themselves. I’m glad that the jury looked at the case rather than listening to the scumbag prosecutor and his showboating tactics. He should be denied orgasm for life without parole.

Thanks for the heads up Spicey. I am from Rhode Island and I sure don’t want to run into Ms. Asher. Is she still going by Lauren M? I think I need to start being a little more careful if she operating in my state.

I’m not sure if she is still going by that name. If you google Barbara Asher under the “images” category, they have several pictures of her taken from the case on page 2. I guess if she answers the door when you knock, run the other way!

Let me just add a different perspective to this conversation. I live in Rhode Island myself, and I have to say that the relationship in the area between the authorities and those in the BDSM scene is tense at best. There have been two other incidents in the past year, one in Connecticut and one in Massachusetts, involving well known Dommes. In Connecticut, a Domme had her dungeon destroyed by cops (estimates in the vicinity of $10,000 in damage) who had a search warrent and were looking for drugs. Problem was it later turned out that it was a bogus search warrent. Litigation is pending. Then there was in incident in Mass in which a Domme was arrested and held for a couple of days because she was accused of operating a business (being a Domme) out of her home without being registered to be able to do so. Problem here isn’t that she was innocent of the charges, because she wasn’t, but that she was essentially jailed for several days for a finable offense.

I haven’t followed this most recent case, but I have spoken to several Dommes and others in the New England Scene who are very wary about the authorities of late. Particularly if they will be given a fair shake should a problem arise at any point.


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