Exploring Duration

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You aren’t what is sometimes called a lifestyle couple but enjoy your fetishes a bit higher on the Scoville scale than fauxdomination.

. Like me you know it simply isn’t in your nature to live fulltime in a property / owner relationship (or whichever terms with which you are most comfortable). But you often wonder what it would be like.

For me duration is a barrier that I’d like to push at. For me BDSM has proven to be a part of my romantic life and I’d like to see how many variations we can explore. It is also pure pleasure and there’s no shame in wanting more of that. And mind altering - not to lay too much stress on that - and I can’t help but wondering what longer experiences would feel like.

A Thought Experiment

But I don’t want to discuss this in terms of myself particularly. More as a detached weighing of possibilities.

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8/1 - 24/1 - 12/2 - …

How long? Eight hours? From getting out of bed until returning to sleep? A short test run or jump straight into two consecutive days? (I remember reading a blog where two people were about to begin a week and have always regretted losing the link.)

As with everything discussed here: it depends on the people involved. Weighing caution against potential intensity. Naturally being wary and careful seems wisest. Of course you may not want to be wary and careful.

Fetish fiction and sites devoted to M/s relationships suggest lots of possibilities. A kink buffet where you can select what seems appetizing in portions that match your appetite. You have to sift through the urban legends, dubious autobiographies and cheap psychology.

How to reinforce the power exchange and - yes! - tap into nervous fantasies, to dig into the depths?

  • Mandatory Honorific

Every time you address your owner you use her or his title. I’m sentimentally attached to how I address Alexandra when we play. So she suggested that I might address her with a term I’m not fond of: Mistress.

  • Vocabulary Limit

The bottoms’ word choices can be restricted: e.g,. only nouns and verbs - no modifiers. See also Slave Vocabulary Game.

  • Protocol Level

I’m sure the opportunity for exploring the ramifications of protocol must be tempting for the top. Ideally they should help the bottom stay in the right mindset. This is where really knowing your partner is a blessing. The desire to get as much as you can against a possible risk of inducing too much confusion. Er, maybe not, feeling doubt and confusion I’ll own is an aspect of BDSM that has often fascinated me (like a bird staring at a snake?).

Protocol increases pretexts for the pleasures of punishment.

  • Entry, Departure & Movements

Kneeling or bowing every time the dominant enters the room or you enter her or his presence. This could get old fast, couldn’t it? But that is sort of the point isn’t it? For duration to have meaningful effect there will be repetition, even if it is fatiguing.

Variations: also bowing your head. Dropping to one knee. If already kneeling then bending down so you are on hands and knees. Perhaps best to compromise a taste for complicated movements with the submissive person’s physical abilities: certainly a judgment call.

And there all those Gorean genuflections

  • Eating Control

Being fed by your owner’s hand can be a special thrill. And eating from a bowl on the floor can wash you back and forth between humility and humiliation.

Quantity control is safe: few of us would be hurt by eating less. And being allowed too little to satisfy appetite certainly emphasizes the power exchange. As is what you are given to eat. Bland? Mildly unpleasant? Something safe but repulsive. (I remember reading a woman who claimed he regularly allowed her husband only a cold mixture of instant mashed potatoes and liver.)

This one really squicks some people. Others find it potent but risk free emotional S&M.

  • Attire

Naked and on the knees is pretty much the norm. I’ve often wished for a sort of “slave uniform.” (Actually I bought some white short pants and t-shirts for that once.)

Keeping ragged old clothes with lots of holes could be another symbol of status. (And there are some people who would of course do this with the submissive male in a dress.)

  • Scheduled Punishment

A short round of spanking, whipping or other physical punishment can be schedule to happen at preset times regardless of “earned” punishments. Interest in this perhaps varies inversely with how many punishment scenes you manage to work in otherwise.

Scheduled behavior is interesting abstractly though I don’t any ideas myself (really!).

  • Bondage

To be honest I’m a bondage whore and find it impossible to not simple tingle at the possibilities of wearing cuffs, chains, straps if only for the symbolism.

Motion can be made cumbersome, hobbling. A safe way to physically feel the power you’ve surrendered to. Decent restraints may be better choices than handcuffs for extended restraint.

  • Isolation

Being left alone is probably challenging but should cause anything worse than boredom. Accepting that boredom, eventually letting it settle over you, confirming your voluntary loss of freedom seems the essential goal.

How long? Only way to find out is to try it.

Most of us aren’t lucky enough to have cages or special facilities so the common house closet would be the most likely place of confinement. For some (ahem) the experience might only become more interestingly mind numbing if combined with admittedly redundant bondage.

Short-term confinement allows both top and bottom a chance to recover.

I’ve often felt that the bathroom is neglected in confinement scenarios. True it isn’t as dark and close. But most are small and uncomfortable, even unfriendly. Imagine yourself sitting on the tile wondering how much longer you have to wait as you try to find a comfortable position.

Bathrooms have an important practical advantage: even with a hood and wrist cuffs on the slave can sit on the toilet. Some people don’t have kidneys that accept any argument. So bathroom confinement prevents the possibility of the closet floor being covered in piss.

Imagine the bottom’s happy gratitude when allowed to again be in the presence of his or her owner.

Intensity

How hard and heavy you want to act this out should be the first consideration.

Very light? How about trying extended gentle human pet play?

Mild and semi-strict submissive person and mistress / master?

Owner and property with at least a minimum of strict protocol?

Or even - for the brave and hungry - abject slave who is bullied?

Not that the experiment need be locked at a certain level for the entire time.

Words can signal shifts: pet, slave, “worthless @#%!” You can work up (or down) as the day proceeds or vary the tone throughout the day.

As always: what you do should match your needs and those of your partner. Never let anybody sell you on the One True Way.

Some of you are shaking your head because this seems an unlikely way of talking about stretching yourself. Either it is too lurid or you already do all this.

Others - in a relationship much like ours - I’m hoping have explored these things and will share how it went. Or maybe someone you know did. I’d certainly enjoy hearing about them.

Earlier:

Expanding the envelope … ?

Attitude Adjustment : Coda

Pleasing Me (Finally)

Comments

I find dietary control really hot - but tricky. If you have him eat something gross it is just gross. And, you know, I might be wanting that mouth for something else. Fruit purees I think are good. Baby food ones. Easily available, quick to prepare, cheapish and crappy to eat.

Food control has a pretty broad palette.

Gross? I remember when I saw a cartoon in the gay male porn comic book Meatment. The master was making a guy eat dry dog food he pissed on. It just made me feel giddy. But I’d tend to shy away from fruit puree for fear it would upset my stomach.

I suspect that something mildly substandard and bland like cheap canned beef stew that has been run through a blender might have just the right amount of unpleasantness.

Very limited portions would allow you to use anything but probably only has effect if you are doing a scene lasting at least half a day.

Is Meatment a typo of Meatmen? I hope so because I have a nice little collection of those. Although not that one.

Dry dog food that has been pissed on is fine with me, actually. But the canned stew is gross. Sloppy-savoury things are gross.

Any kind of wet pet food is impossible though because it rules out kissing.

Sweet-sloppy things. Milk puddings, ice cream, mousse. I don’t actually need it to be yukky if he’s licking it up.

I’ve eaten crushed grapes, banana and boiled egg off the floor. But for some reason eating from a bowl changes the whole psychology of the experience. I don’t mean it should be gross but do see that as a potentially interesting form of humiliation.

Alexandra practices strict mouthwash discipline and has me gargle after I lick her boots or the like.

Yes, Meatmen.

“I find dietary control really hot”

Me too :)

I started fantasizing about it heavily within the last 3 days or so.

When I get Richard to do things that leave his mouth unavailable (too icky) for kissing, I just have him not kiss me until he’s rinsed his mouth with antiseptic mouthwash.

I’m really into the clean/dirty thing so it’s sexy to have his gob so dirty he can’t even kiss me.

Just… not for too long, eh :)

Food mortification is an important part of my submission. On “slave days” I am only allowed to eat from a dog dish. The day starts with runny oatmeal that has been left out long enough to get cold, then topped with baby food. The remainder of my meals tend to be scraps topped with baby food. The baby food adds a cruel sense of mortification for me. Cigarette ashes are also a wicked addition.

If we ever do a day (or days) of extended power exchange I suspect food mortification - as you so aptly call it - would be part of it.

Baby food strike me as neutral: too mild to have any effect. Oddly enough while I understand cold oatmeal I’d be reluctant to use it. Oatmeal is a key part of my diet when I’m eating healthily and I wouldn’t want to jinx that.

Food manipulation, even if it is just eating from her hand has such power over me that I hope we incorporate it more in the spectrum of our power exchange.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Exploring Duration. Please stick to the topic of the entry. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard


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