Preconceptions Ruin an Offering
» BDSM Play
Or Why I Say I’m Lucky to Have Someone Like Alexandra Who Can Put Up With Me
Long ago Alexandra expressed a desire to pee on me. That was OK with me. She could order me to eat a peanut butter & jelly sandwich if she wised: being peed on wouldn’t humiliate me. That is: wouldn’t achieve the goal.
Lately I’ve felt hungry to abase myself for her pleasure.
Yesterday morning I imagined myself begging her to let me drink a glass of her piss. I imagined myself dropping down in to slave space. The image burned within me. By the time it faded I felt emotionally exhausted.
All day long my goal was to come home and at the first moment drop to me knees and beg for her urine. During the evening I waited for the right moment: when she left for the bathroom.
As luck would have it she would pee right after I did while we were both out of the living room. So I kept waiting. I should’ve asked her to wait brought her the glass. But I was locked into the scene as I’d visualized it.
It grew late so I brought her a very large glass of water. That let the cat out of the bag. It wouldn’t be a surprise. That dampened my excitement.
Her bladder filled, then the glass.
When she returned with the glass Alexandra ordered me to lick her boots. In my visualization that morning I’d seen myself drinking the piss, falling deep down into humility, bowing low and begging for permission to worship her by licking her boots. The shift in sequence was so confusing that I found myself not feeling submissive.
Finally after I attended to her boots I drained the glass. By then the piss was tepid. In my mind it had been hot. Again my preconceived scene got in the way of what was actually happening.
My disappointment was visible and I was ungracious. And foolish. I should’ve rolled with things as they actually happened. I don’t know why trivial expectations trapped me.
In the end I didn’t give her anything.
Hopefully I’ll be mindful so that I don’t fail in this way again.
Comments
don’t beat yourself up over this. that’s Alexandra’s job. :)
I think that’s probably fairly common. I know it’s happened to me—I’ve fantasized about something, had it blaze itself into my brain until anything but the exact duplication of the fantasy would be failure. Sometimes it’s hard to just go with the flow of a scene. you’ll try this again, and it’ll work. you’ve got your preconceptions out of the way now, and that gives you both the freedom to enjoy whatever permutation of the scene you may do in the future.
Posted by: Myles | May 6, 2007 9:30 AM
Thanks Myles.
None of the details were important to me. I think the intense rush when I imagined myself do it kind of froze my brain and locked me into the sequence.
Posted by: Richard | May 6, 2007 9:47 AM
Richard,
Many a P/person build up a fantasy in T/their head, only to be let down by the reality of it.
I give the prospective slaves I am considering the following advice… It is fine a dandy to have fantasies, fantasies are are good thing. However, do not live in fantasies… when the moment of truth arrives, grasp it with both hands and let yourself go.
W/we learn from O/our mistakes. Just consider this a learning experience and move forward.
My best to you and Alexandra.
Aradia
Posted by: Aradia | May 6, 2007 12:25 PM
I made a funny dominatrix video… I was bored… I hope you like it… it’s on my blog.
Posted by: YesssMistress | May 9, 2007 8:10 PM
I think sometimes that a Dominant likes to take these special moments and make them even more memorable, step it up a level.
Sometimes the first time we introduced something new, chance would be excited and anxious. Then if I push him, ask more, it can backfire once in a while and the mood changes, just slightly. But I feel his mind set change on me.
When we get into each others minds to the depths those of us that live this lifestyle can share. A slight change, is felt.
Another one of the benefits to living the type of lifestyle we do, is that when those moments happen we talk about it. We grow closer and we learn.
Destiny
Posted by: Destiny and chance | May 11, 2007 6:01 PM
Once again. I would do anything or let my mistress do anything. Because of the distance involved between us she has me drinking my own urine. It all pleases me as I know it pleases her to have me follow any order she gives.
I envy you in your situation as she is with all the time.
Posted by: Sandy | May 18, 2007 7:42 PM
i am looking for a mistres for my all fantasies i wanna drink her pee i wanna make her to fell like a princes and what ever she wants
Posted by: slave | October 30, 2007 4:26 PM
7 out of 8 Femdom Mistresses agree: proper spelling is sexy.
Posted by: Richard | October 30, 2007 6:22 PM