Casual Meditation on Enforced Chastity
» Chastity
Surely no tour of male genitals in D/s is complete without at least a bow in the direction their neglect (aside from the gentle torments covered earlier).
I’ve probably already shared my guesses and history before but a little recapitulation never hurts.
K.D. Pierre specializes in chastity cartoons.
It was a bewildering bombshell the first time I read a man writing that his wife had locked him in a chastity belt (devices which I thought had only been for women and become defunct centuries ago). She’d ordered him to solicit readers on Yahoo’s NC Femdom club to vote on the duration of his confinement. Folks were voting for six months or more so mine was cast for 0 days. Most of the voters were men.
I forgot about all this until Alexandra and I started talking. To F/m forums I returned. Male chastity seemed one of the more popular themes. A number of the women - all living 24/7 as a dominant - would repeatedly report that their guy was docile (yick!) until they allowed him a rare - really very rare - orgasm.
The scissors in her hand are one way to permanently enforce chastity.
If they genuinely enjoyed their servility why would they become recalcitrant when permitted an orgasm.
Because the men want to be disallowed orgasms. This insight left me a bit stunned. Hence the unpartnered use PCMistress and cyber Dommes to forbid them to cum.
Many men, gay and straight, boast of the duration they’ve enforced on themselves.
Makes you wonder who gets the most out of orgasm prohibition: the male or the female. Though I do sometimes wonder if there aren’t F/m relationships partly rooted in the woman’s dislike of penetration. (Cuckoldry too foreign for me address.)
That genital sex didn’t much figure in my youthful S&M fantasies I’ve mentioned before. My masochism and probably my submissiveness began to emerge before I knew much of anything about sex. My teenage fantasies were filled with conventional penetrations of girls and boys. When S&M crept into my D/s dreams satisfying my owner was given in the playlets. My orgasms weren’t refused; they never came to mind.
Where is Whizzer Black?
Being disallowed an orgasm first came to my mind during a commonplace cunnilingus fantasy starring a playmate I fancied. A vague image - I’m not sure it even involved confinement - of only being able to focus on pleasing her added extra wattage.
Unsurprisingly the limitation moved over to my slavish fantasies. In my typical fashion it became harsh and absolute. Masturbatory abstractions don’t necessarily move to fleshly life.
Glancing through my archives I see I wrote a very quick sketch about chastity. We were just starting to explore one another’s needs and the sketch may have been an attempt to see how she felt about orgasm control. (The sketches were often meant to be nothing more than an artful way to start a dialogue.)
In a later sketch chastity was just a pretext for her to do some things that I thought she liked. (Interpersonal learning curves can be steep.) And was a bit before we actually met face to face.
Neither of us is given to thinking much about chastity. Don’t know if she ever does.
I’ve sometimes wondered if it might not be curative during those times when my libido flags. The cliche of reverse psychology: making you want something because it isn’t obtainable.
Dispassionately I’ve wondered what effect a month of denial would have on me. Not being a ‘lifestyle couple’ how we’d cope with the effect might be is a problem. Unless my confinement boosted her into dominance more often (daily?). Otherwise it might just be an annoying addition to daily life.
I can’t say if we’ll play with orgasm denial. (No to be confused with the penis restriction I wrote about yesterday: that seems more satisfying than denial.)
Pretend it is a chastity belt. I just love this guy’s art.
I’ve sometimes wondered if the pleasure some men get from enforced chastity isn’t an attempt to relive the arousal they felt as young virgins. While I can see the pure control element it often strikes me as embodying sexist stereotypes. There are more fun ways to dominate and surrender. At least for us.
An earlier note accumulated a few reader comments: Orgasm Denial.
NB: I know that for a few of you who read my pages control of your guy’s orgasms is a keen pleasure. Why not tell me why it is thrilling and important.
Guys are equally welcome to tell me how it feels for them. But if it isn’t more than a couple of slobbering sentences the comment may be deleted. Learn how to be creative and to communicate or you’ll be forever out of luck.
Comments
you know, the only time i was ever interested in denying a male orgasm was to prolong the sex. i understand the appeal behind the power to control a man’s orgasm—getting hard and being able to cum is a measure of masculinity for plenty of men. on the other hand, i don’t understand how the sexual frustration can be satisfying for these men. generally (at least the guys i know) get really upset and irritable when they haven’t cum (either thru jerking off or fucking). in this case, the men who wanted to wear chastity belts were actually much better behaved when they are denied sexual release!
i don’t understand that at all. but as they say, different strokes…i know i’m bitchy if i haven’t jerked off.
Posted by: laura | May 13, 2005 7:13 PM
Somehow the phallocentric nature of ‘Femdom’ chastity control reminds me of the gay transvestite who thinks being feminine is being sexually submissive to a man. Just can’t find a clear way to express it.
Posted by: Richard | May 14, 2005 5:51 AM
that’s a terrible way to define femininity. i mean, i consider myself to be pretty feminine, and i’m not sexually submissive to a man. hell—most of the guys who ever wanted to be with me were the traditionally masculine sort who liked that i wasn’t submissive in the slightest. does that make them closet homosexuals, since my attitude has sometimes been described as the “liberal fratboy mentality”? as far as i know, those guys haven’t been with men or boys.
don’t get me wrong—i have no problems with submission per se if that’s what makes someone happy. i just have a problem when submission is described as a feminine quality, when the truth is that it is a genderless quality. submission is a common trait in society—otherwise, how do you expect citizens to follow rules that they had no say in making? how did the nazis manage to control most of germany during its heyday? women weren’t the only ones doing the following. how many male nazi officers explained away their crimes by saying “i was only following orders”?
i suppose it weirds me out and kind of disappoints me when a gay transvestite (who i assume is some kind of moldbreaker) buys into such noxious and traditional notions of femininity and masculinity. i mean, i see men turn into jelly when they see a hot woman in lingerie. so who actually has the power in this sequence? she’s not the submissive one—he’s the one throwing money and attention at her! she’s wearing traditionally feminine garb, yet holds the whip hand. femininity need not mean taking the lower position in a male/female relationship. really—supply and demand is more important in determining who’s in power rather than outdated notions of gender. the woman wearing sexy lingerie who just made her husband buy her a house is no less feminine than the subservient housewife who washes her master’s feet every night and begs for his attention. the real difference? their relative status in their relationships. neither woman is more “womanly” than the other.
Posted by: laura | May 14, 2005 12:59 PM
My supposition is that it means that many gay transvestites have a ‘male’ view of femininity. This was a sad surprise. I hate to make strong generalizations but this one seems fairly true. Including very young gay crossdressers.
The genetic woman that meant the most to me in my life did not shave her legs, wear dresses or carry a pocket book. She was in no way masculine. Given her body, voice and face the effect was either genderless or a novel sort of androgyny.
That a young gay male would equate femininity with submissiveness was a real lesson for me. That the sexist stereotypes are more deeply embedded in contemporary culture than I realized.
Rather than breaking the mold much transvestitism is strong conformity. Thankfully I do know some wonderful exceptions.
While my persona is traditionally masculine, I prefer to think of it as softly masculine, my father was hyper-macho. The reason I’ve always been most strongly drawn to the atypically gendered.
I thought of you this morning as I was cataloging Frederic Jameson, Judith Butler and Julia Kristeva (sources of money to me: don’t read PoMo or PostPoMo myself).
Posted by: Richard | May 14, 2005 1:19 PM
In a marriage and with a much younger lover, I practiced orgasm control. Husband wore a chastity device. Lover just didn’t cum until I allowed it. I loved it. So exciting! I miss it with my present Dom lover.
Posted by: Alana | September 20, 2005 3:46 PM
I have been in a chaste device for 5yrs & 3months. My MRS never gave me an option. She put this site on & ton & told me to write this. The longest I have had to go without an orgasm is 153 days. I have been milked w/o touching my penis for 245 days. MRS has outed me to her family and 2 of her friends. She insists that I will wear a chaste devic to my grave. Thank you…
Posted by: jean | December 20, 2006 2:53 PM
You haven’t said how you feel about this. Does it make you happy or miserable?
Posted by: Richard | December 20, 2006 3:20 PM