The Mystery of Orgasm Denial

Well.. for me… permanent, or ‘extended’ periods of denial would lose their allure pretty fast. However, periods of days, or sometimes a couple of weeks can be pretty intense, when paired up with extended periods of teasing, love making etc… without orgasm.

It’s the ‘not knowing’ I find so sensual I guess, not knowing if this will be the time I’ll be allowed to orgasm… and.. how that orgasm will be achieved.

Seeing denial used to augment arousal and the mutual pleasure in final release I understand.

And contolling and being controlled is clear enough in this context.

I’m just noodling about certain aspects of certain relationships as I’ve seen them presented.

Orgasmic denial and milking is something that every “mature” male lover has got to at least try! Like losing your virginity, no amount of words or pictures can satisfactorily explain it. Let me try …

Let’s suppose that you had two choices; win a $1000 lottery twice a week, or win an $850 lottery every day. Which would you choose? Well, orgasmic denial is the $850 lottery.

Disadvantages to OD: You must learn to stop your orgasms just short of complete release, this can result in a lot of frustrating trial and error but, with patience, you should have it mastered in a couple of weeks. Mastery means a generous, even copious, flow of almost transparent seminal fluid through a member which is going from fully errect to flacid. (No “Big O” just an astonishing “Little O.”)

Advantages to OD: You should be “ready to go” again within 20 to 40 minutes. Your sexual urge does not vanish. “No turning on the basketball game for you, Big Guy.” You can make love for hours each day, day after day after day. You “pitch a tent” at even the thought of a woman at the most unexpected (or expected) times.

Requirements: Although some have claimed to have mastered this “art” themselves, I have my doubts. This is best learned with a willing partner. But beware! Once the advantages of this system are understood by your lover and she has learned the telltale signs that you are preparing to come, you may find yourself spending weeks in “penile servitude”, winning that $850 every day.

This seems to be more tease and denial. I’m not trying to be too finicky. T&D is easily understandable.

Not so, for me anyway, is long term chastity. (At least earlier, I’ve certainly come to have more empathy for the emotional state the latter could induce.)

Sounds like the two of you are having lots of fun.

I can only speak for me, so hear goes. My interest in this started whne my ex wife would use sex as a way of manipulation to get what she wanted. I know I know every women does this. And lately I hear many women say they have the power since they have the pussy. Just not true with me as I masturbated enough to satisfy my every urge and desire. I also found that after an orgasm and the fact that I did this myself I had little urge to please her. Yes sex bring people together use sex as a weapon will drive you apart. So I decided to try an experiment, I purchased a chastity device and wore it. I found the longer I wore it the more my desire to a point of, “I will do anything for release”. I haven’t had that attitude since high school. So you see its about my willingness to hand that control over to the “key Mistress” which is a pretty powerful key if you ask me. My only issue is most women just dont get it. They think I need this to keep from cheating on them. … well ya kinda. … with myself….

For me and for what i understand for alot of others, it isn’t really the inattentivness after an orgasm that draws many people to enforced chastity, it is the fact that after orgasm, the male instinctively is not interested in sex, or his partners needs, or desires, and that it takes a period of time for the male to get back to that point of attentivness to the woman’s wants and needs, that some males prefer not to be allowed to orgasm. i know as a submissive, many of my submissive desires evaporate the second i orgasm and i no longer feel the want or need to serve my partner. That being said long-term orgasm denial insures me that i am the most submissive that i can be, which is something that i like

You lost me: you said both that it isn’t and that it is the post-orgasm withdrawal. The contradiction makes it impossible for me to understand what you are saying.

Playing Devil’s Advocate:

If an orgasm diminishes your desire to please then making sure that you are attentive would be a really honorable way of pleasing her.

I used to imagine things beginning with an orgasm. That way the scene would make even more demands on my inner resources.

Not that I don’t understand that being placed in enforced chastity would inherently boost one’s submissiveness. I see the pleasure in the surrender of something important to yourself.

My wife and I toyed with femdom in the bedroom throughout our entire marraige. It never left the bedroom however. It seems that both of us were trying hard to fill the roles society set for us and we were both failing in our respective roles. I suck at being the head of the household if for no other reason than that I have a hard time motivating myself to stick with good decisions that I’ve made.

That same weakness in me aggravated the shit out of my wife for years, but neither of us really knew what to do about it. It’s not that I wasn’t committed to her or that I lacked the love and respect for her that all men should have for their wives; the bottom line was simply that I’m a man and men would in general be lazy oafs if not for motivating women.

We have been practicing orgasm denial for almost 7 weeks now and though I hope some day to be disciplined enough to be subservient to my wife without the need to make me go so long without an orgasm, I cannot ignore its immediate effects. I don’t yet have a chastity device. My wife currently doesn’t have to worry much that I’ll screw up, because since we started this I’ve been LIVING my fantasy, so I wouldn’t dare fuck it up. These days I need little reminder to do as I’m told. In fact, I nearly always take the slightest suggestion from her as a demand and go out of my way to do even more than she asks.

While my desire to do so has always been there, it has been latent and I do firmly believe the enforced chastity is mainly responsible for bringing the submissive man “out of the bedroom.” We currently think it would be appropriate for me to remain chaste probably until our one year anniversary in our new roles. I think this is a good thing as well if for nothing else than to prove my dedication to it. After that I suspect my wife will allow me more frequent orgasms. Maybe once or twice a month depending on my performance.

There is great satisfaction for a submissive male in being controlled in this way. It also helps the dominant woman. She needn’t only have whippings and various other punishments for misbehavior. Now she can have a little “carrot” to add to her stick. In the hands of a capable woman the dual controls of reward and punishment are sure means of asserting her control over her man. And let’s face it, even you ladies, no doubt one of the greatest rewards you could give a man is to allow him an orgasm.

As you mentioned in your essay, this practice indeed puts a man in a submissive mindset. How could I not be while serving my wife’s sexual (and other) needs and desires knowing full damned well that there is most probably no way that I will be rewarded with an orgasm? As far as the chastity device goes, in my case, I view it more as a reassurance to me against times when the urge to “relieve myself” might be too strong for my weak will to handle. So far I haven’t even dared suggest that I even wanted an orgasm. If that changes and I start getting strong urges that I don’t think I will be able to control, then the chastity device will be a must. I honestly don’t understand some femdom practices, such as indefinite orgasm denial. I think that a man knowing that he’ll never climax could actually backfire over time and make him more lazy in his service.

That aside, I know from my own experience that frequent orgasms (usually that I gave myself) enabled me to neglect my obligations to my wife for very long periods of time. Neither of us could conceive of living this lifestyle without some level of orgasm denial. We’ll that’s my two cents…back to work for me.

I think it’s funny how I see married men all over the Internet looking for a woman to provide them with some kinky thrill that they quickly dismiss as ‘something their wife would never consider’. I wonder why they don’t ask.

Anyway my wife’s attitude is sexuality is meant to be explored. And we’ve tried all kinds of things. She enjoys domination but while we can role play she said that while she would like to be more dominant in our relationship she realizes that I am just to dominant myself to really give in. So a little while ago she asked if I would try chastity and denial with her. The idea of having my cock locked lit her up like a christmas tree. At first I was like how lame. I mean what is the point of sex if you don’t come?

But I agreed that we could try it out and decided she could decide anytime in 3-5 days when I could come. It was torture to fuck her and not come. And it was annoying at first when she would tease me but refuse to let me come and lock me back up. However as I my desire started to build more and more I also felt something kind of like an infatuation for her. A kind of refreshing of my feelings of love. As we got closer to days 3-5 I started to enjoy the thrill of the building anticipation, the growing intensity of my feelings for her, and the sense that this was kind of an interesting experiment. I figured she’d cave on day three but she mind fucked me good as she brought me right to the edge then refused to let me come saying I agreed that she got to pick the time.

When she finally said I could come in the evening of day 4 we had the most intense lovemaking I have ever had with a woman. All the energy and emotions that had been building for days along with my desire exploded into one huge orgasm. I felt like I was coming and coming and at the same time I was so totally in love with her I could hardly think. It was great.

For different feeling of power exchange with a big pay off you should give it a try. The slow endless build up that comes bursting free with all kinds of good feelings and energy is great.

Now long term denial and these guys who aren’t allowed to fuck their own wives are into something different all together. I’m not judging but it sure isn’t for me.

When Mistress enforces chasity on her toy….for me it is due to jealousy ….MY toy is attatched to my cock and I do not want him playing with it without instruction for me….my jealousy even gose as far as bathroom priveleges ….he needs to ask permission from me and then I will bind his hands behind his back and I instruct him to sit as I guide him in going….to deny him touching my cock at all …..this is the detailed depth this Mistress gose with her toy……

one other line of thinking, i NEVER do act up in hopes of being punished. she simply does what she does regardless of my behavior. she does it herself, has me do it (honor system) she tapes it, she has freinds watch, all sorts of variables, but never do i come without her knowledge and permission, and then , mostly after long days of teasing and denial. but sometimes she just goes and gets it when she wants it. i never know and there’s no ryhme nor reason. but i am MORE suspectible to suggestion and submision in this single way alone, and also much more prone to pleasing her when i am kept on the edge.