The Psychology of Enforced Chastity
» Chastity
Several days ago I wrote an entry expressing curiosity that it has often been said that some men become less loving and attentive unless deprived of an orgasm (for considerably varying lengths of times according to the gossip of the net from a few days to several months).
I took the conversation elsewhere and thought I’d share with you small slivers of the more interesting responses.
Here’s one side of orgasm denial I’d never considered.
It has overtones of D/s that make it in some ways very “safe” for people who consider themselves to be mainly vanilla.
That people who don’t really do BDSM as such practice it would explain why those not inexpensive CB-3000s sell so well.
A chastity subculture? And one mostly influenced by “Dr.” John Gray of Mars & Venus fame?
I think that the chastity subculture has developed their own myths and dogma, and this is just one of the concepts that surfaces. I think it stems from the idea that after an orgasm, a man just wants to roll over and go to sleep.
From soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm.femdom.
Hooray for Atheism Dept.
While the above might be an ancient and archaic view of rudiments of religion affecting human sexual development, I think for some men there is still an element of viewing this drive for orgasm (in the traditional male stereotype) as been a fundamental ‘male weakness’ rather than a ‘male strength’.
A report of a man who was cured of an unhealthy kink via orgasm denial:
The device used was a rather wickedly uncomfortable one, so that any online activity that browsed bestiality sites became painful and unsatisfying. The poor fellow phoned me once in misery because he’d just driven along the highway and grown hard, in his device, at the sight of a mare urinating in a field; he berated himself, breaking down over the phone, telling himself and Me that he was sick and perverted and that no normal man would have responded the same way. I quickly reminded him that since he’d spent the last 18 months of his life jacking off to the imagery of horses online, the conditioning wasn’t really so remarkable or far fetched.
To me the whole thing sounds far-fetched but it is a nutty world, isn’t it?
And my original speculation that some men may misbehave after a period of mandatory chastity because they want their orgasms controlled.
So no I don’t see a submissive becoming less attentive if o/d wasn’t a mandatory act, but I can see it happening for those who *need* that form of control.
From Collar Chat.
My original entry: The Mystery of Orgasm Denial.
Comments
You said on collar chat:
“Mostly what has struck me is a repeated theme that males in F/m relationships become disrespectful or much less interesting in pleasing after allowed an orgasm.”
Pet and I have had thousands of conversations about this very fact. When our sex life was vanilla, he would totally shut down after orgasm. He just quit “feeling” sexual at all. He maintains that it is a totally biological thing for him, and once the orgasm subsides, so does the sex for him. That’s why orgasm denial is so good for us.
Posted by: Her | September 8, 2005 6:22 PM
I know many men shut down after orgasm (some women as well). I assume it is a short term thing.
The stereotype is women want to cuddle, men don’t. Another odd rumour about the majority that I can’t really evaluate.
But from what I’ve read of your lives together it doesn’t sound like he’d be a less loving husband, caring father.
It was the idea that that for some the quality of the relationship in a broad context requires chastity that interests me.
Posted by: Richard | September 8, 2005 7:03 PM
Well, in that context, I certainly would say that orgasm is not a factor in how pet is as a person (well, maybe a little crabby if it’s been too long lol). I don’t think that orgasm denial would serve to make him a better husband, just a better lover.
I’d be interested to meet a guy who really changed personality due to being allowed to orgasm more frequently. Never seen it, myself.
Posted by: Her | September 9, 2005 10:50 PM
I enjoy orgasm so much that I think I would get resentful if forced chastity went on for too long, and that would show up in my personality. (Too long is relative and personal, for some, days, others, weeks to years.)
Posted by: Him | September 9, 2005 11:01 PM
I imagine most men would become angry or resentful.
For some orgasm denial is the greatest form of ‘service’ or they find the perpetual desire exciting.
Some men can probably be trained to feel the last two instead of the first.
There must be many different ways this is done, varying by the mindsets of the two people involved.
Posted by: Richard | September 10, 2005 4:45 AM
I have found that in order to control a man and get what I need I MUST control his orgasm. The method in doing so varies with each individual.
Posted by: taylor | August 29, 2006 5:49 AM
My wife and I have started talking about enforced chastity for a period of 90 days. I find it very scary and very exciting. I’d like to get over being afraid to give up this much control. Any advise?
Posted by: Fraze | July 18, 2007 12:18 AM
Fraze- take it slow. There’s no need to go for 90 days straight away. It’ll be easier on both of you if you start with a few days or a week, then work up from there.
Posted by: roo-roo | July 20, 2007 8:21 AM
My wife prefers the honor system of O.D. but just knowing I can masturbate without her knowledge diminishes the psycho effect of being totally under her control. Im hoping she will come to understand I have a yearning to feel 100% under her thumb.
Posted by: John Blaise | October 20, 2009 10:32 AM
Generally speaking, in the ‘chase’ phase of a ‘normal’ m/f relationship the man assumes attitudes and behaviors intended to entice the female to mate with him- flowers, romance, etc. He is in pursuit of something (sex) to which he is not entitled (at that time). When the ‘chase’ has ended and the couple are married, after a time the goal which was previously denied him is freely available and it eventually loses some of its luster. Since he can have it any time he wants it can get pushed aside in favor of other pursuits, and the attitudes and behaviors which were assumed in pursuit of that goal can be discarded since the goal has been attained and they are no longer ‘necessary’. Think of a child who wants some new toy- he will assume better behaviors in order to get his parents to buy him the toy. But, after he has it, these behaviors are no longer needed and the child is likely to revert to his previous behaviors. Eventually, the toy becomes ‘old’, he plays with it less and in time it may get broken and discarded with little care.
Enforced chastity and orgasm denial, psychologically speaking, re-introduce the ‘chase’ phase into a relationship. Sex is no longer freely available and the man must again assume behaviors which will aid him in attaining his goal.
In my own case, when my wife and I are in a F/m scenario (we switch) and I am locked into a MCD, even the simple act of serving her coffee in bed in the morning assumes a certain eroticism and I become aroused in the anticipation that this behavior will [eventually] aid in obtaining release. Overall I am more attentive, responsive, polite and considerate than usual.
Interestingly enough, psychologically speaking, some of this conditioned arousal response carries over and remains even when we are not engaged in a ‘scene’, though it diminishes over time if not reinforced.
I am not ‘submissive’ but in the area of sexuality I find (en)forced control/chastity/orgasm denial extremely erotic, probably because it is the exact opposite of my ‘normal’. The ‘Honor System’ wouldn’t work for me, it must be (en)forced or there is no erotic value.
I enjoy the feeling of prolonged arousal and the anticipation of the delayed gratification of the orgasm which is denied for a period of time. When I was young, candy was not something which was commonly available in our house. We usually only had it at Xmas, Easter, and Halloween. I would always seperate it by preference, eat what I liked less first and save the best for last- which I would then eat in small amounts in order to make it last longer. I suspect that there is a similar psychology at work here.
Posted by: Twisted Mister | October 25, 2009 11:15 AM