How Young Were You?
» Cravings
About 5th grade I remember finding a teenage girl sexually attractive. Not that I understood that. And wishing that a couple of the boys I knew would order me about. I’m pretty sure that I had fantasies of being tied up to a tree or fence.
It was about this time my best friend passed along the great secret to me and I discovered masturbation. I remember my first time. I was in the tub. Frankly I wasn’t impressed. It was kind of nice but nothing special.
Needless to say my evaluation of masturbating shifted. By junior high I have no idea how many times a day I was at it. Even in places like my parent’s car when I was waiting for my mother to return from an errand.
Likely as not when I started rubbing my penis for fun my fantasy life began. Before that I was erotically blank. Stuff was building up but without any expression whatever sexuality I had rested quietly in the back of my brain until I made the connection with my body.
As a little boy I lived less than three blocks from three of my hometown’s movie theaters. I doubt seven year old me was really turned on by the torture scenes he saw in horror movies and the like. Can’t be sure. But they came in hand a few years later.
By 7th grade my libido was burning brightly. Not that I connected what I did by myself in the bed with my daily life. Mostly I was dazzled by the shapes of girls. And - though I wouldn’t know it for a few years - boys.
I don’t know when they started but by 9th grade Torture Theater had become a significant slice of my erotic dreams.
Badly, hungrily I wanted someone to whip me. This wouldn’t be easy for a teenage boy in a small city now. It was wholly impossible back then.
Once I tried to get my sister to spank me. Luckily I was very discreet. I never felt lust for her. I just wanting a spanking so badly. (But not from my parents, who hadn’t punished me since I was eight or nine.)
So by the time I was ten at the latest my need to serve, be used and abused emerged. How young were you when your BDSM part of your sexuality started needing expression?
Comments
I also believe I was affected by torture movies seen in theatres as a child as this was before the advent of TV. I have clear memories of fantasies (or dreams, not sure which now) of being captured and tortured and of sensations that these being exciting. By the time I was a high school student I was into mild self-torture.
As for masturbation, I had read about it but as I remember I was thirteen when I masturbated for the first time. I remember doing nightly and sometimes as frequently as three times a day.
Posted by: Warren | October 28, 2005 1:51 AM
I think what I saw as a boy that made an impression later on were the Sword and Sandal moves – Hercules, Samson and the like. And a couple of Hammer horror movies with dungeon scenes.
I can’t remember how often I masturbated during the summer when I was off from school. Probably as often as my body could handle.
Thanks.
Posted by: Richard | October 28, 2005 2:42 AM
I don’t think there was ever a time when I wasn’t who I am now. These tendancies didn’t become sexualized until I was approx. 12 though.
Posted by: GDS | October 29, 2005 3:22 PM
I wasn’t consciously sexualized until just before I turned 18. Considering the time, place and my father it was probably for the best.
But once I knew I didn’t waste time.
Posted by: Richard | October 29, 2005 4:37 PM
I started Masterbating when I was 12 I do not know where my want started but by the time I was 14 I was obssesed with it but had no way to release my feelings, though I had some internet relatinoships they were unsatisfying
Posted by: Young and Nervous | November 1, 2005 6:23 PM
Are you talking about sadomasochistic needs? Your entry doesn’t make that clear.
Posted by: Richard | November 1, 2005 6:29 PM
Oh I remember ‘feeling weird’ when watching a scene of humiliation as early as 7 or 8. And it probably started a lot earlier than that. Geez I even remember being mesmerized by this episode of ‘V’ where one guy is forced to lick a shiny pair of boots - my mum caught me and she definitely gave me that ‘this is weird’ look. LOL
At 8 I had mock fights with my friends and would make sure to lose, prompting them to step on my face in a victory pose. I also tried to kiss their shoes on many occasions.
By 10 I had really violent fantasies of being beaten up and kicked by the girls in my school.
I masturbated for the first time at 12, licking my own shoes (well, gotta use what’s available :-)
From then on it’s all been downhill :-)
Posted by: shoelicker | November 5, 2005 6:54 AM
I remember the boot licking scene from V. It gave me a quiver as well. Sybil Danning had a certain Domme quality at times.
Posted by: Richard | November 5, 2005 7:12 AM