The Pain of Not Being Hurt

Is This Masochism Drop Rebound Syndrome?

I was afraid this might happen.

I’m violently horny for pain and degradation. Mostly pain.

My masochism nags at me with the full ruthless force of sexuality. At times like this I understand why people cheat on their lovers. (No, naturally not.)

Sleep came erratically only last night. My brain was a jumble at work. My only thought was to get done and come home. Once here I went to bed. No, I didn’t masturbate. Ok, well I did a little. But I can’t work myself to the point of orgasm.

Actually my phallus feels irrelevant despite a tendency to swell when a vicious thought flickers through my mind. The heel of her boot, the small clothespins, Icy Hot: that is what it needs.

Damn I hope this goes away.

I don’t know what desperate hopeless desire feels like in a woman’s body. Any guy can recall that sick feeling when your groin feels as if it is tied up in knots.

This is why those silly men write dominant women all those stupid emails. Their brain cells burn until your mind feels as if it has been scorched leaving only barren wasteland.

This hurts in all the wrong ways. Earlier I caught myself shaking: completely overwrought.

But I’ve lived through this before. Inner balance will return and I’ll acclimatize for the long wait for Alexandra’s next return home.

Does anybody know where I can get some saltpeter?

Related: Loss of Masochism and Libido