Unequal D/s Desires
» Cravings
My greatest fear is that I will stress Alexandra with the depth of my masochistic cravings. So many years of pent up desires, so many fantasies that I'd like to see realized (some listed in the "Sketches" archives).
Alexandra is comparatively new to acting as a Domina. Psychopaths aside sadistic people don't necessarily go from thinking about doing cruel things to acting on those thoughts without time in which to grow into dominance and sadism. And however much a pain whore I may be I need to be sure that I don't weary her or seem unsatisfied.
Our relationship is mostly what D/s people would call 'vanilla' - a silly term. This is what Alexandra is happiest with. Even though we are only occasionally owner and slave the power exchange must be driven by the one in control. I don't mean that in the rather solemn way lifestyle BDSM people do. Since my cravings are at least as much slavish as masochistic I wouldn't feel any pleasure if I don't feel she is enjoying what she does to me.
Though having just come out of a relationship that was all sexual self-denial it is hard some days to keep my mouth shut.
