Bratty Bottoms
» D/s Practices
Another bit of crankiness.
When Alexandra and I first started talking about D/s she would refer to the roles as “top” and “bottom.”
That disoriented me considerably. The sexual connotations of those words emerged when I was out of the loop with everything sexual.
On discovering them I associated the word “top” with myself. My profiles aimed at guys listed me as a top or top /versatile (though slowly phased out the latter, “versatile” worried gay guys who are strictly bottom).
Even when I was reading Midori’s book the usage seemed alien.
Finally I thought of a fairly well-known BDSM relationship between a couple of prominent webloggers. She says that they engage in anarchic BDSM. Thinking about how nice that sounds it hit me that neither would identify the guy as a submissive person or slave. But bottom would probably work.
Brain cells lit up and I finally adjusted to the D/s usage.
In skimming D/s weblogs you sometimes read of someone being punished for being bratty.
Lifestyle relationships mostly if not exclusively. This often causes a disconnect in me.
I just can’t imagine myself as a brat. Perhaps because I was an almost dowdily well-behaved child. And I can’t imagine putting myself in a position where I’d be punished like a child (for no good or an arbitrary reason is another matter). Probably another reason I’d never really make it in a lifestyle relationship. Adulthood can be a drag but the last thing I’d want to experience again is my childhood.
And I have these nightmare visions of D/s couple on Dr. Phil or Ophra. I imagine a Dom saying he beats his wife when she’s bratty. That would probably reinforce all sorts of bad clichéd images of BDSM.
Not that I’m suggesting anybody change the words. I sometimes tend to respond to the implications of words - even if it is only in my own mind - more than most people.
And if you are thinking this is an unusually trivial entry … you are right.
Do you have any funny prejudices about BDSM usages of certain terms?
Comments
I don’t know if it’s a funny prejudice, but I find myself having enough difficulty with the word “slave” that I cannot imagine calling someone who served me that. (Every time I have tried using it in a sentence it just feels wrong.)
I have no problem whatsoever with anyone else using the term, and may be able to use it someday myself…but I imagine it will be a good long time.
I may have to reconsider using the word “pet” as the current pet (who is very much a polymorphously perverse little darling) is starting to look into human pet groups. (We do some pet play, but he is not a full-time human pet, nor do I wish for one.) I foresee some possible terminology confusion.
Sometimes I find myself calling him my “boy.” Which is appropriate enough as I had already hit puberty the year he was born.
Posted by: R | February 7, 2006 2:03 PM
Boy is nice in implying junior status.
Part of my dislike of submissive as a noun (which it isn’t) is much the same as Femdom: too much clichéd baggage with which I can’t identify.
The words and Alexandra use appeal to my aesthetics as much as anything.
I’ve noticed a couple of women calling themselves Master which sent shivers down my spine the first couple of times I encountered it in that context.
If he hasn’t already he might want to look at humanfauna.com, I visit their occasionally.
As always, it is always a treat when you leave a comment.
Posted by: Richard | February 7, 2006 2:20 PM
You are right about “submissive.” I don’t really like the term enough to use it much, though it does the trick as far as conveying information.
Posted by: R | February 9, 2006 12:32 AM