Creativity & Variety in D/s

Richard, I am new to this and have only recently discovered my interests of wanting to be a Domme. I know I’m more into inflicting pain, but I am lucky to have a friend who is willing to let me test the waters and he is more about mental humiliation. Is there anything you could suggest that would give me some good ideas so that we are both able to appreciate the scene? Thanks. N

Emotional humiliation is one of those very personal things.

The pet role – crawling on all fours, not using furniture, eating food from a bowl, collar and leash – really works for me.

Being forced to drink urine is common.

Boot / shoe / foot licking.

Face slapping, verbal abuse (even just a stern lecture).

Some people include forced transvestism / crossdressing in this. That does nothing for me but others enjoy it.

Was this the kind of thing you were asking for?

Yes….and no. I suppose what I’m really asking for is some ideas for verbal humiliation. I was raised in a household that re-iterated over and over “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.” So, I’m finding it difficult to verbally abuse my sub for fear of offending. Like I said, I’m new at this and I want to explore as much as possible so I know what I like and what I don’t. I don’t intend to live the lifestyle - I actually prefer to switch/reverse roles periodically.
In the process of learning, I want to expand my abilities to beyond physical humiliation.

Luckily, my sub is sooo willing to help me grow and explore and learn more. So, in a nod to him, I want to turn him on as much as it turns me on control him. He has indicated to me that he is turned on by the idea of the humiliation of his sexuality and loss of control.

Thanks for the feedback so far. I’m a sponge when it comes to learning new things. I look forward to any ideas you can throw at me. N

I think you’ll find that verbal humiliation is one of those things that grows easier as you do it. (BTW, I’m a fan of switches and interested in BDSM as erotic play, not a lifestyle.)

The most common form of spoken degradation is to attack the guy’s masculinity. Telling him that he’s a sissy, a bitch, wimp. Some men get a thrill out of having the size of their penises mocked. None of this works for me personally but this is the most popular kind of harsh talking.

Related is men who want to be condemned because of their gender. They are inferior because they are male.

Slut seems to be a frequent word. Again, not for me. But it always implies the man has a sexually healthy appetite in a backhanded way.

Much spoken humiliation is fairly generic: “You are worthless!”

From my own perspective what you say only matters so much. It is the harsh or sarcastic tone that sends my spinal column into a frenzy.

Some tops fear seeming too theatrical, stiff and fake. If a man is feeling submissive he isn’t usually in the mood to practice literary criticism. He just helplessly responds.

Generally I think it is a bad idea to humiliate someone for something that genuinely troubles him in everyday life. E.g., if he’s overweight. A very few find it therapeutic. But unless you are sure you may kill the scene, even the relationship.

What you know about him will really be your guide.

You don’t seem like the kind of person who needs to be reminded of aftercare. This can be a really deep form of power exchange.