Getting Into the Mood, Setting the Mood

It’s rare to find prose like urs in cyberspace. I went partly through it, and concluded u must be one of a kind. U come across as passionate, driven, and realistic.

Note: Concepts like domspace and subspace can only be of importance, when one is unable to disconnect from the vanilla world, and is in fact keeping that world as ones frame of reference.

It may not be clear from what I’ve written but we are mostly just girlfriend and boyfriend.

D/s is only a part of our life. I hope it becomes a larger part of it but at least for now neither of us is thinking of it becoming the only way we were relate to each other.

I’m not sure why she isn’t more readily able to make the shift to Goddess. Once she’s there she finds it tremendously satisfying.

Erm… I guess my book (http://www.ayzad.com/bdsmpageeng.htm) would do. Now you see why I’d like to find a publisher for an English language edition…

My Master recently told me that he is taking a break from the lifestyle. He has left three subs in his wake. His reasons may be genuine, but there are times when I question the sincerity of the reasons he gave. I an unsure of whom to turn to for advice, and I am not putting my life on hold for him.

Richard,

This is a great topic that is worthy of more discussion.

Recently, the trials of life have taken the wind out of the D/s side of our relationship (my submissive partner is Adam) and I would love specific ideas from other couples on how to get the focus back.

From current personal experience, I can say, that like any vanilla relationship, if ANYTHING is emotionally troubling me, it needs to be resolved before I can get into the mood. After that, one trick I have learned, as you mentined, is that dressing the part can help. Having Adam dress me in things we both find erotic is wonderful foreplay and will often get me in the mood.

There are also things he can do to help me focus: assuming a very submissive attitude, concentrating on my pleasure, asking me if I would like a foot or shoulder rub, bringing me little thoughtful gifts. The more effort he puts into the relationship, the more I am inspired. It is a balance.

Ms. Jane

It is hateful how ordinary things like minor bodily aches, money worries can block a form of pleasure that - for me at least - makes everyday cares more easily coped with.

In the months since I wrote that entry I came to realize that for us ‘foreplay’ often consists of sitting, talking listening to music. The shift into D/s isn’t always planned. It just sort of arises from our pleasure in each other’s company and her good mood.

Music itself can help. Something you find energizing, empowering or that reminds him of how much he loves you.

Continuing with what you said simply bringing you a cocktail or cup of coffee. Or taking you out for a romantic dinner.

Sometimes Alexandra rests on the couch with her feet in my lap and I rub her legs. When she’s in the right mood she’ll left her feet to my face for me to lick.

Adam could sit at your feet. It symbolically captures the D/s roles but doesn’t necessarily mean they need to be acted out if the time isn’t right.

Something I wish we could do is get away from home for a few days: be away from the familiar distractions.

I haven’t found any sure way to help Alexandra feel dominant but to a degree I can at least try to minimize some things that make her unhappy.

You mention Adam adopting a submissive attitude. In our case Alexandra knows that simply putting on a sexy pair of shoes or boots will cause certain parts of my brain to click into place and make me feel the need to be at her feet.

My Domme has the same problem with getting in the mood.i try alot of things to get her back into the mood but the effect is short lived. i hope some of these options may help us get back into the swing of things.

This was something I knew about but didn’t anticipate having to cope with.

I’m not sure what you can do other than try to not be needy – or at least being silent about your hungers. And helping her feel empowered and make it easier for her to cope with the day’s stresses.

Accepting that fantasy won’t match reality isn’t fun but is necessary for a mature, sane relationship.

Thinking back, and remembering this problem, I have to completely agree with what was posted earlier — the happier she is, the better.

There often times is the thought that problems can be resolved or blissfully ignored through a D/s session, but I’ve found overtly submissive acts as such times to be nothing less than distasteful.

No one can ever force his/her Mistress to want to play (and even strongly suggesting it might be a problem) but he CAN remind her (through his actions) why she chose him which should quickly rekindle her interest.

Oh, yeah, being a nag, even an unintentional won is a recipe for failure. I’ve been guilty of it: my brain overrun with denied desires.

I think many dominants get in the mood when they have a surplus of vitality and pleasure in life. Something we should always enhance for those we love in or out of BDSM.

Thanks for the comments.