Intolerance in the BDSM Community
» D/s Practices
I was passing up ecstasy beyond measure he said. Or some melodramatic mash that let me know that I was passing up a Real Good Thing. This warning was from a dominant I’d been negotiating with but decided to not meet.
Now about this ecstasy stuff: clearly I agree or wouldn’t have a Worship & Ecstasy category. But that doesn’t stop me from getting peeved at the characters that claim intense BDSM is the best if not one true way.
People setup the damnedest hierarchies: light skinned African-Americans looking down on those darker; transsexuals who fault ‘mere’ transvestites. People get a rush out of partisanship be it over sports teams or automobiles.
I like intense D/s for many reasons, not the least is some nights I’m rewarded with what is sometimes called altered consciousness. I used to gorge on psychedelics as a youth in search of something that however different had a similar root desire. (To be honest there were times when trying to have a serious conversation with a friend seeing eyeballs in the sky was a bit of a distraction.)
While I like it rough, colorful and maybe a mite extreme doesn’t mean that I think my way is something to be emulated. I hope I never become self-important enough to fuss with people who prefer lighter play.
Maybe I’m guilty of writing a few sermons directed at the guys who I think are self-defeatingly unrealistic. That is because all I see in their lives is frustration. Who am I to hector lovers who appear to be having a good time?
The last thing I want to be is the Bill O’Reilly of Femdom.
Berating those whose life and play styles are lighter is as old as BDSM culture. I’d rather share what we have in common than preach to the perverted.
Human happiness wasn’t waiting for Venus in Furs to be written.
And if some self-anointed evangelist of kink plays the pest go on to the next blog, kill the comment or ignore it. No one really happy with their lives will waste time in smug accusations.
As I wrote recently I do this for fun.
Comments
The last thing I want to be is the Bill OReilly of Femdom.
Heh heh - I’d almost have expected you to say “Anne Coulter.” ;-)
I share your dismay, but I think that this is an unfortunate fact of human nature. There is always an ‘us’ vs ‘them’ dynamic, and so much the better if you can reframe things so that you are the superior.
I wonder, now, because I expend some energy poking fun at the “self-defeatingly unrealistic” types, if some of them don’t see me in the same way that I might perceive certain others in the community.
The Edge of Vanilla
Posted by: Tom Allen | October 21, 2006 9:55 PM
But what if you really ARE better then everyone else? grins cheekily at you.
I think for the most part it is an attitude thing. If you don’t like something, think it is icky or distateful or gross… but don’t care what other people do thats a whole lot different then saying: I don’t like that and you shouldn’t either. I don’t know why people are so tribal in that way but it is very easy to fall into it.
I think people should be considerate of where they park their shopping carts and who is behind them at the gardening store and yeah that other people are different then you are.
As mom used to say: “Thats why there is chocolate and vanilla ice cream and wouldn’t life be boring without both”.
(didn’t stop me from not liking ice cream though)
Mistress Jen
Posted by: Mistress Jen | October 22, 2006 5:18 PM