Labels : Submissive, Dominant
» D/s Practices
Excerpts from a discussion on the words dominant and submissive in a BDSM context.
Oh, yes. How many forum discussions have I abandoned because people can't accept that most words have agreed upon meanings. It isn't "just semantics."
It's a pretty important thing to me; I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Those people who feel it necessary to attribute other than the literal meaning (as found in a basic dictionary) to my words are not people I can deal with.
Still a noun to me, which is why I say submissive man, woman or person.
You have to watch out for the language of BDSM. It can be misleading. We've taken words and bent them a bit to describe our experience. For me submissive is a prime example. We've taken an adjective and turned it into a noun--a very misleading noun.
Labels employed warily have a use. But the map is not the territory.
I found the ones who didn't like the desire to stay away from labels were the ones I didn't have much in common with. The others managed. Some liked the labels, because they found it helped to come to terms with the desires or they liked having a name for how they felt.
Investing a label with too much specificity transforms it into a stereotype.
Ignore the stereotypes. You are you; unique. Your submission is unique. Your relationship is unique.
The label dominant isn't an entitlement.
I think it is important to not have the expectation of instant "respect" be so weighty that small adjustments in learning to communicate with another are not considered burdensome, and I don't believe in offense being easily taken.
But don't make it hard on the dominant.
I think it's a bit of everything. I watched many times as a dom initiated a conversation with a sub only to be rebuffed as not being domly. I've then watched said dom approach the next sub with a more domly attitude, to be rebuffed as rude. So it does exist on both sides of the issue.
Problems with identity, not wanting to be id-ed as a "submissive"....
