25 Micrograms

Hypothyroidism is thyroid hormone deficiency. It can be due to primary disease of the thyroid gland itself or to the lack of stimulation of the thyroid gland by the pituitary gland via the hormone TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone).

The discovery that I suffer from hypothyroidism changed my life. Most notably brought my then dead sexuality back to life.

Today I got a note from my doctor saying that my latest test shows that I need to increase my supplemental thyroid dosage. This may be the cause of my diminished libido and masochism. Going from a little sky blue (150 Mcg.) to light lavender (175 Mcg.) may be all takes to restore my masochism to its prior level.

Since some of my entries have been written when tired or rush I may have misled some of you. The wonderful informality of some of our play has given me sure knowledge that Alexandra and I share a bond that can survive the fluctuations inevitable to life.

I’m not berating myself for my current limits. Consensual risk aware sadomasochism is contingent and not measured in naïve quantitative terms. Alexandra is not pressuring me to offer more than I’m able. In being able to accept less lately I’ve probably offered Alexandra more. The psychic cost is certainly higher.

I’m not feeling like a “bad sub” (ugh). Our more stringent, demanding play is something we both cherish and miss. I want to recover my capacity for intensity both to please my lover and myself.

And the plain old-fashioned hugging, kissing and cuddling is as joyous as ever.