A Lifestyle Created By Us

I’ve always liked this summary on Destiny and Chance’s blog:

We live a lifestyle created by us, centered around power exchange. We believe our relationship allows us to live our lives to the fullest in happiness, strength and quiet confidence.

Aside from their love and intense play I enjoy their general freedom from BDSM cant.

Not that some stereotypes don’t have a warm place in my mind. Boots with spurs … that just makes me dizzy.

Way back I said that one of my goals was to keep my vocabulary free of easy D/s labels and clichés. Sometimes I stumble and fail in that.

It is only with the dominance and submission portion of our romance that I’ve had to do unlearning within a relationship. Or rather shedding seeming norms and conventions. Not that I feel this has been a big struggle (though my memory may be fooling me).

It was just a surprise to have the thought even pass through my mind.

I’ve always been an outsider. Never fitted well even into fringe subcultures. This isn’t meant as boasting. No claim to be an Übermensch. Just the way I turned out.

Having spent young manhood as queer-identified I never experienced heterosexual socialization: no sexist clutter.

But for a long time BDSM was fantasy. And porn. Art may imitate life but it should never attempt to emulate porn.

And while I read other people’s opinions with a bag of salt at my side I’m sure some of their norms crept into the back of my brain.

Makes me laugh at myself: maybe my one real strength.