Aftercare

Once again I’m going to quote Midori’s Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink Educational, Sensual, and Entertaining Essays, this time the theme is aftercare.

… One might think that aftercare is only for bottoms and submissives, but it is also for tops, sadists and dominants. Tops go through similarly intense changes in their body chemistry, leading to potential shock-like emotional and physical crashes. Beyond the fundamental physiological concerns, most often the top has their sense of Self and self-worth wrapped up in the scene as much as the bottom does. In the act of sadism or dominance the top has exposed their desires and hungers, which aren’t necessarily socially acceptable. We’ve been taught not to hit those we love. Now we do it for fun. …

We have liniment, bandages, topical analgesics and the like but have yet to need them. But they are only for the body.

When submissive guys are forging their ideal cruel relentless Dommes I suspect the idea that those ferocious icons may need care after a drain session never passes through their mind. It wasn’t part of my fantasy life.

I know I let Alexandra down at least once. Coming out of a scene we don’t suddenly flip a switch that puts us back in emotional normality. It is a gradual process. I had to learn that even after I’m off the floor and out of my collar she may still be feeling a bit dominant. And to restrain my natural flippancy for a time. To do otherwise is to be ungracious, a serious failing with one you love

My own need for after care may vary so much that Alexandra probably can’t be sure what I’ll need. I do remember the night I needed to just lay at her feet for a bit.

I know a scene is likely to be ending when she has me sit next to her on the couch. And mysteriously after a bit we’re a traditional loving couple again.

Usually I thank her for what we’ve just shared. Not only am I happy and grateful it is also a way of letting her know that I’m OK, no damage was done.

I was shocked when I read one woman expressing impatience with her guy’s post scene requirements. Really she’d rather go watch TV. Not that I’m condemning her. Funnily enough it sounds like the way men are supposed to behave after orgasm.

Aftercare is one of those highly individual needs. But I’d appreciate if you’d share with me what is best for you and your partner.