Again: How To Meet a Dominant Woman

You put it more succintly than I ever could. But then you are a submissive male who has had success in meeting a dominant woman so will have much that is useful to offer on this subject.

Funnily enough, I don’t get headaches, have never suffered from them. But yes, the fraility of the flesh as well as commitments outside the bdsm realm simply make the enactment of a full on Fem Dom fantasy impossible to sustain permenantly.

Also, there are so many other things in life one wants to enjoy. Your comments are eminently sensible and inspire confidence.

My next article looks at the possibility of “converting” a straight woman to be the domme of your dreams. The conclusion is you can’t and it’s morally wrong even to try. If a woman has domme tendencies that are dormant or repressed, then I am all for encouraging those traits to blossom; however, if it’s not in her nature, then any attempt to manipulate her into the role is wrong and will fail. As a dominant woman I find that manipulative or pushy bottoms are draining, so I can’t imagine vanilla women are much taken with them either!

However, what we consider our nature can sometimes be due to a limited and prejudiced understanding. What is often needed is honest self searching and experimentation so that experience and reflection can open up new areas of pleasure.

There are no shortcuts to success if a submissive male wants to give expression to his nature in an honest, non-threatening and non-manipulative manner. Empathetic understanding of motives and intentions is the key. Self discipline and showing restraint by not demanding sexual satisfaction but serving the object of your worship orally – is an important step. Demanding what you want and treating and transacting with your life partner like a pro domme is not on the list of recommended actions!

One approach to consider is explaining to your partner what submissiveness means to you. The stereotypical images the media disseminate about this lifestyle allow a lot of room for misunderstanding. Assuming this is the only information source available, it wouldn’t be unusual for a woman to deduce that a sub male is simply one who wishes to be beaten, though of course there is much more to it than that. There is now a lot of reading material that conveys the joy and pleasure of bdsm and you may want to think about introducing her to these.

Another common misconception is where the woman regards BDSM activity as something she partakes in to please her partner. In this mindset, she might well worry about conforming to his vision rather than assuming that this gives her an opportunity to take control of the situation. Tell her you want to serve her and make her life as full of love as possible. It never hurts!

Another possible solution is to serve more subtly. Identify the things that the woman really likes doing, and work hard to support her in enjoying them more. She should see your behaviour in a positive light, and you should become closer through sharing it.

Commonly, the woman may even be submissive herself, leaving the male in the ironic position of only being able to serve her needs fully by feigning dominance. If you believe you can do a share-and-share-about arrangement, this may be an angle to explore. Some women top their partners on request, because they feel it enhances the relationship since their mate is happier. It’s one possible scenario although the male must be careful not to make demands. A communication of need is acceptable in a frank and open exchange. I do not judge the need to compartmentalise (as situations vary hugely) but feel that there is a need to at least try and communicate. I do not like the presumption or lack of courage, in saying “she does not understand,” when you have not communicated with her about it.

I can understand the reluctance of those in long-term relationships to broach such discussions given the possibility of it souring or ending a relationship. Many men in such circumstances do compartmentalise their lives and run parallel, separate existence’s. The downside is that you have to accept that you only have severely restricted time to enjoy such opportunities, that it is open to detection and not an integrated part of your life. It might be braver or more rewarding to be open but there is the risk of losing what might otherwise be a happy relationship if such revelations are unwelcome. However, I don’t see why the relationship needs to end because of communication on this subject. Maybe it was ending anyway and perhaps you need to consider if that would necessarily be undesirable?

I believe that submission needs its dominant counterpart if it’s to reach its full potential. However, much can be done to improve a vanilla relationship if the male attends to the positive aspects of his nature without expecting a quid pro quo. It is possible for a man, in his own conversion to heartfelt submission, to change his attitude to women in general and his partner in particular. In that frame of mind, the language and the process changes. The woman is in charge and is honoured, so this may lead to her becoming more dominant—or it may not. Either way, the male gets the honour of serving her.

Whether or not any particular practice is a viable option depends entirely on how you and any potential partners feel about it. It’s all incredibly subjective. What about employing the services of a pro-domme to meet the woman and talk about BDSM? You need not be present at the meetings unless/until the woman wishes to practice ‘techniques’ under the tutelage of the Domme.

The quest for a fulfilling relationship is a journey of many stages. At each level, the next seems impossible and unattainable. However, if you move slowly, praise her skills, behave impeccably towards her, it is possible to travel together to places of which you may never have dreamed existed.

Are there happy endings? Some. Are there relationships that just end? Yes, I wish I had something more optimistic to report. To me, people are what they are and I don’t try to change them fundamentally— adapt and possibly improve their experience, yes!

I do believe that a long term relationship is more likely with someone you could describe as your best friend. Compatibility in things beyond the sexual is a vitally important bond to forge with someone. That said, if your BDSM sexuality is a deep part of you, don’t you want to be able to share this with someone? A man making himself vulnerable and talking about emotions can be very appealing to women – including wives. Be sensitive, be considerate and I hope that for you, pervery begins at home!

Thanks for letting me know about the website limitations. At some point it will need a complete overhaul, althought there are no plans to do that in the immediate future.

Wishing you well for your excellent sites.