Asking For What You Want
» Emotional Health
While much is written about “Topping From the Bottom” has anyone noticed how often submissive persons express fear of seeming to do that?
Alexandra has long told me to express my desires. As my lover she wants to make me happy. Within D/s my desires are mostly for those acts, appurtenances or symbols that enable me to surrender.
Still I wouldn’t ask. One of my vices is to wait for the perfect moment, to seek seamlessness. All too rare moments that are if anything less likely to arrive if waited for.
I’ve finally moved past this. The need to reestablish the full spectrum of our BDSM relationship forced me to stop being “selfish” in not asking. If not selfish, shy and timid instead of really working to make things better.
I’m so happy to have achieved this. In asking I’m more able to give her what she wants.
Comments
Yes!
It is so hard to get my slaves to understand this.
Posted by: Mystress Nyx | September 21, 2007 10:50 PM
In the beginning of my relationship with Jos, what would happen is that he would feel like he knew what I should do next - what would move him if I did it - and then he’d feel kind of caught. He’d be annoyed that I wasn’t doing the obvious thing, but wouldn’t want to “top from the bottom.”
He says it was life-changing when I told him to simply ask for what he wanted, rather than assume that his choices were to either direct me or let me languish. Asking keeps the power in my hands and is a very clean way of communicating.
Posted by: Devastating | September 22, 2007 2:45 PM
One of the reasons for starting this site was to let Alexandra know in an indirect way various acts that excite me.
With some kinks and fetishes it is more exciting for her to have them in her mind and one day decide to try one out.
Other things, to kiss her feet or (naturally) lick her boots are easy to ask for and I know she’ll normally enjoy.
Posted by: Richard | September 22, 2007 4:03 PM