BDSM and Libido
» Emotional Health
One of those discussions that occasionally arise is to what degree BDSM is sexual. This entails establishing what being sexual means. Unsurprisingly acrimony often ensues.
My libido is so dim that I note its faintness with the passionless abstraction one might watch an ant journey to and from its hill. And I watch myself watching myself and wind up feeling like a mirror watching itself in a facing mirror.
I feel almost guilty for my lack of distress but accept my peace of mind gratefully and assume that eventually intelligence and goodwill will win the day.
We can hardly explore chastity if orgasms feel like peanut butter: something I’ve given up.
It would be more damaging I think were being a BDSM bottom a core part of my sexual identity. Is your masochism, sadism, dominance, submissiveness a key part of who you are overall. Does it define your relationship to society and life as a whole?
I bet there’s a lot of “well it depends” for most of you.
Adaptability, openness and romantic tenderness seem my sexual orientation. The other person’s body parts assuredly matter but with the right person however they are assembled isn’t important. (You poor monosexuals.)
Right now my masochism is something I know of as I might a legend. It is almost hard to believe it exists. Clearly it is purely erotic.
The part of me that wants to surrender to Alexandra I can still summon to life. Easily. The submissiveness is rooted in affection I think. Happily a diminished libido doesn’t leave me any less in love with her. A justification for optimism.
When it all kicks back in I’ll probably wonder who wrote this entry.
Comments
I think that going into chastity will eventually cause sexual pressure to build up. It’s important for me to give you that feeling.
Posted by: Alexandra | February 3, 2007 9:07 PM
At least with my pet, after a certain amount of time he just gets used to not coming, and it’s no longer a big deal.
So I make sure to have him do so somewhat regularly.
We roll dice to see what he’s going to do each week.
That does in some way take the control away from me…though I am the one who determines what each number on the die will correspond to.
To change subjects to another point you bring up - yes, I do feel being a sadist is part of who I am.
Even if I’m not doing anything about it.
I figure it’s like a bisexual is bisexual even if monogamous with a partner of just one gender.
Posted by: R | February 4, 2007 4:30 PM
Right now I feel like a year of chastity would be fine with me. Lust feels like something I heard a rumor about once.
I’ve never felt so nonsexual since I was a little kid.
Sexual orientation is graduated thing. Some people’s kink is the only kind of sex they really enjoy. Then there are people who only need it scratched regularly. At the other end are the very rare people who are comfortable with whatever sort of sexual experience presents itself.
Posted by: Richard | February 4, 2007 4:53 PM
R, that’s exactly how I feel about my kinkiness. Richard and I had a very in-depth conversation about this last night and I’m pretty sure I’ll need a man with a submissive streak for a long time to come.
Thanks for sharing your experiences regarding your pet’s sex drive. I think everything will be OK with pet with things get going.
Not that there’s any pressure on you or anything, pet. Just don’t mess up! ;)
(Just kidding… you know I love you!)
Posted by: Alexandra | February 4, 2007 6:56 PM