Clarity and Communication

Folks who are experienced, perhaps involved in their local munch group know that negotiation is of the essence. They know they are meeting for mutual satisfaction. Only the inexperienced and naïve try to live by imaginary rules.

Some BDSM interaction is between people who are friends. Mostly for an ongoing series of scenes. But some lifestyle couples regard each other as friends but not lovers. Friendship seems to be accompanied by a mutual awareness that each is trying to please the other. Dominants who regard their submissive playmate as a friend seem to have almost no conflict with making him or her happy. It is the nature of friendship to include sympathy and empathy.

The same is mostly true of D/s couples that are lovers. Though the dominant may at times feel as though their tenderness keeps her from living up to the dominant role. The submissive person’s love blends with their desire to serve and sometimes takes them in the direction of too much self-denial. Usually the loving D/s relationships seem to go through periods of redefinition. Even without kinky elements long-term romance prompts a growing awareness of the partner.

The success of each style of BDSM depends on clarity and communication. In this D/s isn’t really different from other types of human interaction. You can’t even share a hobby much less a life with any success if there is confusion and silence.

You might be surprised I haven’t mentioned honesty.

I don’t think clarity is possible without honesty. If you can’t free your mind of falsity there’s no self-understanding. You have to be honest with yourself before you can truthfully share your feelings.

Before seeking a person with whom to play or share a life with in BDSM you need to probe yourself and seek insight into what you need and what you can give.

Striving to emulate ideals, match what others say as the gospel of D/s is a deadly error. Learn exactly who you are. Then you’ll have something to give.