Dommes & Vulnerability
» Emotional Health
I’m going to see if I can capture some of the quality of an exchange I was having with an online woman friend.
A Domme is a person first. Then she is a woman. And learned womanologists everywhere all agree that there are all sorts of women.
The ideal of the archetypal woman is best left in a cave.
Their qualities, shapes, colors, packaging, temperaments, attributes, sense of gender, socialization, assorted competencies, favorite movies, politics, literacy, ethnic identity, tastes in ice cream and vulnerabilities vary.
Scientists have confirmed that this is actually true of dominant women. Though some retrograde researchers scoff.
Especially about vulnerabilities. Some claim that vulnerable dominant women are to be put in the same class as Marian apparitions and little green men fresh from the moon with matching green cheese.
But any “submissive” man who doesn’t understand that she may break down and cry and need to be held - may even need for you to be the strong one! - isn’t doing her a favor.
If you really worship her be prepared for a night when she is weak and the only honest homage you can offer her as one who loves her is to accept the burdens of strength and responsibility.
Comments
I complete concur. Anyone - male or female - who doesn’t occasionally need their partner’s emotional support is getting it somewhere else. No one can survive without some emotional support. I want my support from the person who loves and understands me the most and for whom I offer mine.
Posted by: Lady Julia | September 5, 2006 9:04 PM
Richard, I completely agree.
Dominant or submissive, we’re all just regular folks.
We cry, we rage, we laugh, we get depressed from time to time.
Why should it be different for Dominant Women? Why should they have to act a certain way (to fulfill a submissive fantasy? Who’s in charge?)
That sort of silly notion is what keeps most people from experiencing a real long-term D/s relationship and pretty much kills the idea of a 24/7 FemDom relationship.
Posted by: Mistress Laura's boy | September 6, 2006 2:37 AM
To be strong, caring, and responsive when required is a precious gift; no, it’s more than that, it is a duty, willingly embraced. I endeavour to serve Madame Jocasta in all ways, whether on my knees, or standing tall… am here to serve, and proud of it
Posted by: Oedi | September 6, 2006 3:42 AM
It was a real surprise to hear from a few women who feared allowing their humanity to come through might diminish their femdomly sex appeal.
Agreed: it is these kinds of perceptions that block many women from exploring even the most playful D/s.
Posted by: Richard | September 6, 2006 10:52 AM
Hmmm… I am also surprised that some Dommes actually worried that their sex appeal would be diminished by showing their human side (tender emotions).
Come on! I want to be loved and owned by a Woman, not a Domme-Bot! In fact, if she is feminine and soft and tender (as her mood strikes) at times, it makes me want to love her and be with her all the more.
I will write something about that in my blog, about taking care of my Mistress’s tender feelings.
Posted by: Mistress Laura's boy | September 6, 2006 1:37 PM
On one level it is akin to women not wanting to wear glasses: a response to perceived - and often real - male objectification.
Even female dominants want to be desired.
Posted by: Richard | September 6, 2006 1:48 PM
Thankfully I don’t have any problems expressing my vulnerabilities when I feel them. I think it’s wonderful when a submissive can be a rock for you to lean on, or to stand on to see the road ahead more clearly.
I get the feeling, when a person is judged by how strong they are alone, that it’s a step towards the natural laws of the jungle, where only the alpha’s survive or get opportunity. That’s not to say I don’t think I’m strong, just that strength is not a linear scale of worthiness but rather an infinitely complicated set of parameters and everybody who tries their hardest deserves equal respect.
Someone summed it up well when they said that dominant women obviously have weaknesses but it’s how they deal with and express their strengths that is the turn-on.
Posted by: Alexandra | September 6, 2006 5:17 PM