Play and Have Fun
» Emotional Health
As I typed my replies for the interview in the back of my head that I wished I didn’t sound so darned serious about it all. Remembered with regret were the times when a reader wrote that I’d reduced them to tears of laughter.
I think this is a photograph of happily married Eric Stanton having a good time.
Earlier today I was encouraging a man who is striving to make his wife comfortable with adding D/s to their marriage to present it as play. Something to do for fun. Not that I do a good job of it here. But the happiness hopefully comes through.
Too many online discussions of BDSM have almost an air of piety about them. Partly understandable: some of us on the bottom want to treat our top as a goddess or god. The religious term “worship” that we’ve appropriated expresses our sense of how sacred some of our D/s feels. Nothing wrong with that.
Alexandra’s example got me using the words “play” and “fun.” Probably one of the healthiest shifted she induced in me.
And for those of you who want to introduce your partner to BDSM those are the words you should use. All those pent up needs push you into pressuring your spouse. Making it all sound so serious is only apt to drive them away. And if you do have success you may find there were many fantasies that no longer seem like they must actually be lived.
Hmm, sober talk about being lighthearted. Call it my non-kinky vice.
There are many ways to play the game, live the life. For once I’ll stick the quotes at the end:
Scenes You Never Thought Of:
Laughter of the humorous kind doesn’t have to take away a scene’s power, either. I decided to light up a cigar during a play session once, after having watched _Scarface_. My playpartner looked up at me from her kneeling position and cracked up. I started doing impressions of Bill Cosby, Al Pacino, Groucho Marx, The Penguin, etc., which made her laugh harder. I thought it was going to stop the scene, but instead it added an air of demented perversity to it.
Everybody is Different:
I frequently giggle during an intense scene. I’ve had new tops become annoyed at this and acuse me of being a SAM. Over time, however, anyone who plays with me learns that this is definitely not the case; giggling is never a sign of disrespect. Some scenes can obviously be more light-hearted than others, and certainly it’s not unusual to display expressions of joy. But in my case giggling and even laughing are most often reactions to intense sensations and frequently occur very close to the point where I am reduced to cathartic crying.
Lighten Up:
For me it has nothing to do with respect. It’s the result of pain. The serious responsible parts of my brain turn off, and something else in there gets loose and, umm, *frolics* If someone can get me there I respect that, but please wait till I remember english to ask me for respect.
If laughter is part of your play I’d love for you to tell me about it.
Comments
Play and fun.. I don’t think you can overestimate the value of those words when introducing the D/s concept to someone you love. Without starting from safety (and attraction) its hard to get into the right mindset.
Posted by: Femdom | December 20, 2006 7:14 PM
I love playing. Maybe it’s the little girl in me coming out, but I’ve found that one of my favorite ways to initiate a scene is wrestling around and gentle tickling. Before I know it we’re both laughing, I’m pinned to a corner. It’s always just fun.
And I laugh at the beginning of more “serious” scenes too.” Some guys don’t get it, and that makes it somewhat scary, but it really is just a release of emotion in response to the pain, just like crying. It usually lightens the mood and he starts laughing with me or at me, and I don’t mind at all.
Although I’ve definitely learned not to laugh at a dom unless he does it first. For some reason they have a funny tendency to hit their head on things, and who knows how many canes they have broken by stepping or kneeling on them. Plus I’m always giggling about the human condition, it just amuses me and I’m pretty joyous and happy if I’m with someone. So often it really is just play, and I love that.
Posted by: tulsa | December 21, 2006 10:10 AM
I sometimes giggle during a scene too. It doesn’t happen a lot, but when it does, it just comes out. This can seem kind of odd during intense cbt/ballbusting……..grimacing and yelping, then all of a sudden, giggling that can’t be held back.
I agree with the overall post though. We do bdsm because we enjoy it. So many people forget that, getting caught up in ritual, structure, protocol, and the way things “should” be. Why not just let things flow rather than being so deadly serious?
Posted by: roo-roo | December 21, 2006 10:43 AM
When it was all imagination I always pictures BDSM activity as very serious in tone.
Laughter isn’t an uncommon response as you enter a disinhibited state.
And I’ve read of many masochists who at various points breakout into uncontrollable laughter during pain play.
No more reason to have only one style of play than there is to listen to only one genre of music.
Posted by: Richard | December 21, 2006 1:32 PM