Service?

On soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm Cindy writes:

In most ways, I’m very typically subbie, but I quite definitely am not into service as part of the agreement … even though I don’t mind doing some of those things, I just mind doing them as an expectation of my submission, esp. in concert with working in a demanding job. …

Also these days, I think I expect men (and I’m a strictly hetero- type of sub, so any Dom I deal with is male) to be able and interested in doing more to “take care of” themselves in those ways, not dump it on a woman as if this were the 50’s. I might do service as a punishment once in a while, but I just would walk away fast from any relationship that wanted it as a regular requirement on me.

Shirly sums it up concisely:

Functionally, I think saying something like “I’m submissive in X, Y and Z ways but service doesn’t do anything for me” should be enough explanation.

(Related Kinks)

Honorable people will always strive to please their partners and those they play with. But there’s no shame in establishing and maintaining boundaries. Just state them at the beginning. Don’t give false expectations.

And don’t damage yourself in striving to conform to modes of behavior that don’t satisfy you.

Being submissive doesn’t mean you don’t have self-respect.