Submissive Men : Common False Assumptions
» Emotional Health
Matisse is an exemplary instance of ProDomme as sexual psychologist. Recently she wrote about an email from a man who described himself as a long time reader of her column. It captures some of the more common issues submissive guys bring to their searches for dominant women.
The cringing approach:
Well, I can tell you some things right off the bat. Stop putting yourself down, and stop apologizing so much. Some guys think dominant women find that attractive. We don’t. It feels like you’re manipulating us for an inappropriate amount of reassurance.
The false denial of selfhood and personal desire:
So aside from them, every submissive says “I don’t want it to be about what I want.” Of course you don’t. That would defeat the purpose.
But in another sense, you do, because you want to feel the way you want to feel. Thus is the challenge for the top in consensual, erotic, dominant/submissive relationships.
On the need to be emotionally well-integrated:
… Your anxiety about who you are is inhibiting your ability to just accept yourself. Your view of kink, and women, and what kinky women want, is all very one-dimensional and rigid. That’s not how healthy human sexuality works, and if you don’t learn flexibility, even if you find a dominant women, your D/s relationships will fail. …
Read the whole A Letter From A Reader
Comments
at work i am in control, a senior member of a large corporation and as such make decisions. away from there i need to know that someone else has control over how my body is marked (ink and rings) how i use the toilet, what i wear, where i go etc. this is just a normal life…and does not make me less worthy at work.
Posted by: pig | October 27, 2006 11:29 AM
Ink and rings?
Posted by: Richard | October 27, 2006 2:25 PM