The 5 Essentials of Femdom Relationships

» Emotional Health

Were I to go beyond five personal attributes the list would become redundant and unmanageably fussy

  1. Honor
  2. Clarity
  3. Empathy
  4. Expressiveness
  5. Playfulness

Honor: embraces honesty, responsibility for your behavior. Personal ethics is another way of saying it. Integrity isn’t really possible without the next three personal attributes.

Clarity: until you can think lucidly, push the fantastic fantasies aside and discern what you need, what you want and their relative importance how can you make an honest commitment? The web - if it does nothing else - gives you a space where you can talk about yourself openly without fear of reprisal. That kind of talk is often the first step toward clear thinking and perception.

Empathy: much of what I understand about other people - including their vices and weaknesses - I first discerned in myself. It also quells my tendency toward cynicism. I know that I really do have decent qualities. So must others.

Expressiveness: you much be able to communicate, both share your thoughts and feelings and listen to others. This isn’t just learning to master the ability to use words; you also need to let the emotions out into the open. This isn’t to say that you have to become eloquent or even highly verbal. But you must cast aside your inhibitions.

Playfulness: A life without irony isn’t a life worth living is one of my mottos. Naturally not everyone can embrace that. BDSM shouldn’t be treated as something dour, freighted with moral responsibilities (which - of course - are present). Being a tight ass will only leave you feeling regretful when you face the grave. A life without humor most certainly isn’t worth living. We seek to give and to gain pleasure. Anyone who denies this is a fool.

Uh, what does this have to do with power exchange and sadomasochism, Richard?


Sure, there’s specialized lore, skills and knowledge we need for the risk aware realization of our fetishistic needs and whims. But the essentials of a kinky love life are the same as any romance. Or friendship. Or living a worthwhile life.

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It’s interesting to see in this post how language can express the same ideas in so many different ways, and with such nuance. Where you write ” expressiveness” I would write “communication, where you write “clarity” I would write “self-awareness,” etc. But in reading your explanations, the ideas themselves are remarkably similar.

I assume that you’re attributing these characteristics to both partners in a relationship? Do you think a relationship would work if instead of each partner having all five they were all covered between the two people?

We’re pretty much on the same wavelength. I did deliberately avoid the word communication. Mostly because I and everybody else have used it so often. Expressiveness also seemed to do a better job of conveying the ability to express yourself both conceptually and emotionally.

Yes, both partners. At least ideally. A humorless person and a playful one would probably be a tough mismatch. Though imperfections are likely and there is no underestimating the various mixes that might work out.

I don’t doubt that these are essential but they are definitely part of the package Richard: Don’t forget Supply and Demand! I always resort to the Worship and ecstasy perspective when it comes to the FemDomme that I have evolved into. My pet supplies me and meets my needs while I simply DEMAND that those needs are met. I will whisper on the side quietly that he demands my attention, as a matter of fact, I need him to supply me with my fix and I fix his supply. It is a tightrope we walk with and without a net. The fun is finding out how far it is to the end of the rope (the playful would enter into the formula that works for us here). Be well and imagine such give and take with joy!

It depends on what the people involved want out of the relationship. This note specifically focuses on romantic, committed partnerships.

Given the context of this site power exchange and sadomasochism are a given. And addressed in many other notes elsewhere on the site.

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