Who Has the Best BDSM?

When I say that much of the reward of BDSM for me is “altered consciousness” the last thing I want to imply is that I’m engaged in some highfalutin intellectual project. I want a rush (do people say that anymore?).

That internal opium drives everything from religious fanatics guys like me who hopes some nice lady will bring out the whips and chains. That it feels so damn good is what makes our pleasures into our prejudices.

But.

I’m describing my kinky nature. I’m engaged in a search for ecstasy. Lots of you aren’t. Or only partly. Or … well, you would be the one who knows.

Back to the argument that the most edgy and exultant BDSM play is the best.

My completely unkinky close friends come to mind.

Many of them have exceedingly well regulated lives. No money worries. No stress at all really (wish I could make either claim). Their work is mostly comfortable, even very satisfying (some of them choose careers that enable them to help others).

Their leisure time is spent in real enjoyment. Given the kind of people I bond with much of it is devoted to books and music that they really delight in. In the pursuit of beauty and knowledge. Unlike the vast majority they aren’t just passing time. How many watch television seeking mere distraction before bedtime and eventually the grave?

Moving into the realm of D/s many have comfortable relationships that include a power relationship. There is a calm, happy satisfaction in loving obedience and authority. Some indulge in fetishes and sadomasochistic play. Others don’t.

And there are the guys like me who seek the rapture when with pain, degradation or a gentle gesture at her boots I dissolve and am then reborn … - … language fails me.

Who is having the superior experience, getting the most out of life?

By what metric would we measure this?

Neurophysiologists have means for detecting pleasure. I don’t know how well they quantify it. And even if there is an objective biophysical measurement how would we know if some gift for appreciation doesn’t render the purely quantitative approach false?

How would we establish the criteria? Is the person who registers most intensely on the Thrill-O-Meter really doing better than the guy who is simply happy almost all month long?

To claim that the occasional intense experiences are the best is to say we should model our lives on drug addicts. They wouldn’t enslave themselves to crack and opiates if they didn’t feel so good. And it suggests the highest form of life would be to lie on beds in hospitals while caretakers run juice directly to our brains’ pleasure centers.

So - you, you know who you are - maybe you should cure that unattractive habit of leaving anonymous comments on the blogs of people whose lives differ from yours.

Whatever your pleasure: don’t let pest detract from it.