Mad, Bad Fantasies

It isn’t that I regret the fantasies. But after a time I understood that my focus on them was a way of avoiding need for traditional sex and romance.

Wow, and I thought that I was the only one who felt like this.

I’ve found that I tended to have them during periods in which my love life was particularly screwed up at the time.

The Tao of Me

Sometimes, extreme masochistic fantasies work as a drug.

They are exciting, and if you create enough intensity and fear, you can actually get your body to generate adrenaline and endorphins, even though it’s all “in the mind”.

It’s better than other addictions, though… All the equipment you need is right there (your own mind and body) and you have a chance at working out the psychological issues that drive you to obsessive fantasizing about crazy unsafe cruelty/punishment fantasies.

I was about to quote Richard on the same two sentences - and like Tom said: Wow! Thank you Richard: I had a vague feeling that my extreme fantasies could be correlated to a lack of romance in my life, and you just shone some daylight into that corner of my mind.

Yes it’s probably true: Longing for mind-numbing pain is the masochist’s version of wanting to get as drunk as a skunk. It’s pretty much egotistical and has nothing to do with showing devotion to one’s partner…

Light bulb moment here. Thanks again!

Michael, Germany

The safety is almost the danger. There’s nothing more than your own strength of character to keep it from becoming a lifetime addiction.

Drunk captures it pretty well.

Thanks guys.

Using a man as an ashtray is one of the things I really miss about my last pet. Which is odd as it’s something I only did once.

For the record, I don’t smoke, and I have no desire to. I made him buy me a packet of non-additive cigarettes specially for the occasion.

I didn’t enjoy the cigarettes, and even though I smoke very badly, after a few I felt a little odd.

This was more his fantasy than mine, but there is a great deal of power there, and my current pet has listed it as a hard limit.

Of course, he wasn’t interested in being urinated on when I met him either, so people do change.

On the whole, I am very glad my current pet doesn’t smoke. Still, I do miss being able to create intense desperate cravings by taking the addict’s cigarettes away for a given period…then take my own sweet time wrapping up a conversation with him as the deadline comes…and goes, knowing he wants desperately to go get his fix, but that he won’t break off the conversation as it means he has to go outside and leave my company.

I’m sure the charm of playing on an addict’s needs pales with time, and it probably would not appeal to you, given your history.

One day I’ll find some safe cigarettes since we’d both like to try human ashtray play.

Cigarette denial sounds exciting. But you are right I don’t think it would’ve ever worked for me. I was really shocked one day when I ran out of cigarettes and became really nasty to one of my oldest and best friends. Turned me into a demon.

For me it was cigarette burns on nipples - somehow it was rock bottom for me. I think it has to do with trying to make emotional pain acceptably real - that was when I realized that I wasn’t always doing this for the right reasons. It wasn’t fantasy though.

I’m really happy that you seem to have figured it out, and are working towards making it. Sometimes tastes and touches are better than full immersion.

(As a little side note, I just “found” you, I’m sure I’ll pop in and out more if you don’t mind)

Being lucky enough to have a lover who is friend, sadist, and dominant made getting my internal wiring properly adusted possible.

 I was into extreme nipple torture. It began with simple biting, than digging in of the nails  until they bled,  followed by clothes pins, shortly followed by alligator clips. That began with the protective rubber coating which I soon removed. She would put a small chain and join the clips together, and suspend a weight stretching my nipples and making the clips dig in deeper to my nipples. It was never enough. The more pain I received  the more I wanted, the more I needed. That is when the cigarettes started. She was just teasing in the beginning, waiving the cigaret over my nipple, bring it ever closer. I began to feel the heat. As soon as I felt the heat from the cigaret , as soon as I saw it close to my nipple I  wanted it, I needed it to touch my nipple, to feel the pain  sear through my body. I arched up pushing my self to the burning cigaret only to have her smile and move it away. We were just in our early 20s at the time and this was all a game to us. She moved it closer again and I moved toward it only to have her pull it just out of the reach of my needy nipple. I wanted it. I needed it so bad. I pleaded with her, please touch my nipple, pleases burn me. Pleases brand me with the cigarette. IT seemed like hours, but she finally burned my nipple. It was just for a second. The feeling was wonderful. This continued for the next 4 years. It reached the point were my nipples were eventually completely burned off. She would put out the cigarette on my nipple. After all these years of nipple pain I could no longer come without it. I could barely maintain in erection  without nipple torture. I no longer have any nipples. It was great. Iy went on for about 8 years, the length of the relationship. I miss her, not my nipples. Every time I look at my body it turns me on that  I went through this with her. that she left her mark on me. It also made me so high when we  were in the middle of the act. I loved the pain so very much