Emotional Masochism : Gender Bias?
» Gender Follies , » Humbling
I was having a discussion online where the topic of harsh objectification by humiliation came up; did submissive females relish it as deeply as males. I started a new thread with this post:
The few times my beloved has spat in my face repeatedly I’ve cringed and wanted badly to crawl away and hide.
She’s crushed food - boiled eggs, bananas - into the floor and ordered me to lick them from the floor.
I like being treated as an “it,” a “worthless” object fit for whatever use or “abuse” she might want to administer.
(I like lots of other kinky things as well. And being her vanilla boyfriend.)
While I may feel disgust while being subjected to degrading things when all is done the afterglow is powerful.
Come the morning I feel more alive. An evening’s deep humiliation becomes a few days of an extra spring in my step.
I’ve read lots about objectification and degradation in F/m and M/m blogs and erotica. But not nearly so much in writings by submissive women.
Is there a gender bias at work? Or just the inevitable faulty population sampling from skimming the web?
Brian replied:
What I don’t understand is how love and this sort of kink can be allied for both parties, as it seems to be for you.
I cannot condemn it, but I just don’t understand it.
As for a gender bias, hmm, I’m not so sure this is the case, but I do think that it is sometimes seen as abuse the other way around.
The last sentence implies that a Dom degrading a female submissive might seem as abusive.
Janet Hardy - who as the publisher of all those handy BDSM books from Greenery Press - is in a position to have a good sampling said:
I’ve met very few female humiliation bottoms, but there are some out there.
nadi’s response:
I would suggest that maybe, if its not just that you are more “drawn” to malesub writings online, that the bias you see has less to do with how many femsubs enjoy this and more to do with what people are willing to openly discuss and read about. Theres more discomfort in M/f humiliation I think, because of feminism telling us that this is not acceptable. On the other side of the coin, that same principle makes it far easier to eroticise the FemDom objectifying her man.
The Mad Jesuit:
From what I’ve observed (at play parties), and discussions I’ve had with others in the lifestyle, there’s only a small variance in the numbers between males and females on the receiving end of this kind of play.
But he quickly followed with:
I’ve just read Janet Hardy’s post. I’ll defer to her experience.
Emotional Masochism : Gender Bias?
Do you think F/m couples are more likely to engage in harsh humiliation and degradation play than M/f folks?
Comments
I have to wonder if it is as much a squick on the part of men.
While I’m objectively (heh) facinated with humilation play as a male dominant, I shy away from it. It feels abusive to me, as if I’m attacking the person’s soul.
And in less personal terms, I consider it “edgeplay” - because I know very well the damage that can be done to a person by humiliation both in personal and psycological terms.
I’ve often flirted with the idea, nonetheless, because it’s a profoundly powerful means towards completely re=writing a personality.
But I do believe to walk that edge, I’d need to be very well compensated for my risks.
Posted by: Bob King | August 2, 2006 9:52 AM
I should make it clear that the experiences I mentioned are acted out with a loving partner who knows me well. And the scenes aren’t extended for long periods of time. (Not that my slavish side doesn’t want to walk down those dark paths.)
I wouldn’t guess what pass through the minds of dominants - I like for it to seem like magic.
But it does seem that both straight and gay men express desires for extreme dehumanization to a degree that submissive women don’t. Not that they could handle most of what they fantasize about.
Posted by: Richard | August 2, 2006 10:54 AM