Confusion

» In Search Of

There are so many Richards. And I’m only talking about the one that inhabits this body.

Most people seem creatures of simple consistencies. In certain ways I am a very specific entity. In terms of sexuality I feel like a cast of thousands.

This is part of what leaves me feeling a bit baffled when I think of meeting a kinky top. Easily I can envisage myself offering or presenting myself as this or that. As what ‘you’ want.

After a fashion I can - or rather - involuntarily will rewire myself. I tend to become who I am in response to the other.

But there are myriad diamond-hard “no’s.” There’s much that I can’t be, have no desire to become or to do.

How to present this mix of adaptability and inflexibility? I’m damned if I know.

This may be one of the things - aside from typical male masochistic horniness - that rules, protocols, training rituals appeal. A foolish and inevitably failing craving for specificity and definition.

( The best way to define a power exchange relationship is really in mutual understanding of desires and limitations. )

Given psychological and geographic realities how do you share and convey this multiplicities of yeas and nays?

Thankfully my libido is not tormenting me. I don’t feel hungry and desperate. (Nor am I actually engaging in looking.) But I’ll see a Portatoilet on a construction site and wonder what it would be like to find myself locked up in one.

How do you feel?

Feel free to share your feelings about Confusion. Please stick to the theme of the entry. Disagreement is fine. Homophobia, racism, and kindred expressions of hatred will be deleted. This site is one of my hobbies. I genuinely enjoy hearing from people and hate moderating or killing comments. Forthright disagreement is fine as long as it is civil.
My thanks,
Richard

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