Confusion

There are so many Richards. And I’m only talking about the one that inhabits this body.

Most people seem creatures of simple consistencies. In certain ways I am a very specific entity. In terms of sexuality I feel like a cast of thousands.

This is part of what leaves me feeling a bit baffled when I think of meeting a kinky top. Easily I can envisage myself offering or presenting myself as this or that. As what ‘you’ want.

After a fashion I can - or rather - involuntarily will rewire myself. I tend to become who I am in response to the other.

But there are myriad diamond-hard “no’s.” There’s much that I can’t be, have no desire to become or to do.

How to present this mix of adaptability and inflexibility? I’m damned if I know.

This may be one of the things - aside from typical male masochistic horniness - that rules, protocols, training rituals appeal. A foolish and inevitably failing craving for specificity and definition.

( The best way to define a power exchange relationship is really in mutual understanding of desires and limitations. )

Given psychological and geographic realities how do you share and convey this multiplicities of yeas and nays?

Thankfully my libido is not tormenting me. I don’t feel hungry and desperate. (Nor am I actually engaging in looking.) But I’ll see a Portatoilet on a construction site and wonder what it would be like to find myself locked up in one.