Durham, North Carolina
» In Search Of
I live in what Richard Dawkins has called the reptilian brain of America. Though my part fancies itself the pat of butter amid a sea of grits. Durham is part of an area called Research Triangle Park. Three towns on the edge of a park filled with high technology companies.
Images like this are enough to make me feel switchy.
With the unwelcome prospect of going ISO again I thought to go exploring.
Craigslist.org is one of the busier sites in the US. I’d never visited until Sunday. Reportedly many people hookup via the site. From my glance it seems that “Cum Pump Dump - Go” sums up the RTP M4M offerings. If brevity really is the soul of wit Craigslist is the humor hub of the universe.
How many identities have I left across the web over the years. I decided to review and in some cases remove some of them.
Yahoo, I hardly know you. Robots pump most of the kinky groups full of unread junk postings. But there is a moderated local BDSM group. My application was just approved so I’ve had time to do no more than ascertain that real human beings post there. Mostly about local events that asocial me will never visit.
Bound in a closet: never experienced that. Good old Gene Bilbrew.
Off to CollarMe. The site’s listings of gay and bisexual male dominants are stagnant. Maybe guys looking for same-sex BDSM are on more focused sites. Those must exist. The few sites I recall seeing were equally stagnant and focused on faintly fascist visions of 24/7 TPE.
Perhaps you wonder why I didn’t look at the profiles of dominant women? Two main reasons cause me to restrict my search.
I do wish he looked happy to be on her leash.
The sheer volume of responses they get. As Elizabeth’s hilarious experiment demonstrated a female top can post a blank profile and still be the flooded with fawning fan mail. I don’t know that I’m up to swimming in that tide.
I fear being confronted by sexist stereotypes. My brain is not an extension of my penis, etc.
If this would really be fun, who would need tops?
Alt.com I’ve long mocked. But I have heard from people who’ve met there. It takes a paid membership to make the site worthwhile. But one of the things I’ve learned as a seller of stuff the willingness to spent even a tiny bit of money is often one of the qualities that distinguish the merely idle from the really interested.
And I’ve never given any time to the biggest site of them all: Bondage.com.
Making more use of one of my Live Journal accounts may be worth trying.
Know of any sites I should consider?
Comments
For what it’s worth, Richard, I have an add on Collarme, and it’s not blank, and I’ve only ever gotten about five or six responses to it. I would definitely respond to anything someone like you would be likely to write.
(You can see the profile here if you’re curious.)
Posted by: Devastating | September 24, 2007 4:38 PM
Odd, maybe Elizabeth lives in a very heavily populated area.
When I used to follow this stuff women often complained they got too many responses.
I certainly can’t see anything in your profile to drive anyone away.
So much for generalizations.
Posted by: Richard | September 24, 2007 4:47 PM
Hey Richard -
I do live in a heavily populated area, the East Coast corridor, which means everything from Washington DC to NYC is sort of right there. Could have something to do with all of the responses.
Here’s a thought. I went back through the hundreds of responses a few weeks ago, and out of all of them, there were at most five guys who came across as intelligent and sincere. I responded to them with a nice note, thanking for them for their response, yada yada.
Even if your note is in the midst of a crapload that a woman gets, you are going to stand out.
Also, who would you write to? You’re going to write to somebody who has paid attention to her profile and comes across and intelligent and sincere. How hungry might she be to get a kind, thoughtful note.
My thoughts! YMMV!
hugs, E
Posted by: Elizabeth | September 24, 2007 5:49 PM
I’m still trying to get my brain around actually having to do with.
I’d never rule out female tops. But I have so much to think about.
Thanks.
Posted by: Richard | September 24, 2007 9:05 PM
Try to go to some events? RTP has a pretty small scene but I have found that small scenes usually mean some very nice sincere people who cherish their lifestyle choice and are very giving and open to strangers/new faces.
Posted by: Leah | September 25, 2007 10:13 AM
Thanks but I’ve never enjoyed being around groups of people for any purpose.
Posted by: Richard | September 25, 2007 12:08 PM
My collarme profile has been up for a little over a year and a half now, the first few months under a different nick. At first the profile text was very welcoming, and I got very many messages, maybe about 20-30 a day. Over time I have modified the text and it is now much less welcoming, although still pretty nice, for a dominant female! :-) Gradually the number of messages went down. Of course now, I am no longer looking, having found my submissive partner on collarme, but I now get about one message (from a new person) a day, on average. Most of those (90%?) are still form letter type messages. Most other messages are much more polite and interesting than what I used to get. Well written, nicely composed messages still get my attention, and are so appreciated. Maybe my glasses are more rose colored than the norm, but I think there are a lot of good people out there looking. Best of luck to you, since that is always a factor.
Posted by: QueSera | September 25, 2007 9:48 PM
Actually from Raleigh…now living near Portland, Oregon. Also spent eight years in the San Francisco Bay Area. Moving back to Seattle soon. Haven’t really connected with anyone out here that I’d like to. You can move, but most things stay the same…still a bit afraid to open up to my S/M interest out here…John
Posted by: John | September 27, 2007 2:12 AM
Like the others said, articulate emails from real people definitely stand out on sites like collarme. I don’t think anyone gets so much email that yours could possibly get overlooked.
And why not look for switches, too?
Posted by: Almost | October 1, 2007 12:42 AM
Switches are fine by me. Is this something that needs to be stated explicitly?
Posted by: Richard | October 1, 2007 6:54 AM
(Ever tried recon com?)
Posted by: kyon | November 8, 2007 1:51 PM
A hasty look didn’t show many people in my part of North Carolina. Nor was I able to tell if they have a unique membership or are just a feeder for Various, Inc.
Posted by: Richard | November 12, 2007 4:08 PM