I'm a Fake Submissive

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I have been found out. At last I must confess and expose my shame unto all the nations (did you know that I like reading the Bible?) or at least to a few bloggers.

I am NOT a real submissive! Nor slave!

Mr. Peabody, if you will please activate the Wayback Machine?

Several years ago my massive online campaign to find a top/bottom/vanilla, male/female/transgender, lover/playmate/friend was underway.

A local (Durham, NC) male top found something I wrote, liked it and sent me an email saying so. I - the blessing of never having to hide - said I own this used bookshop, why don’t you drop by and we’ll chat. And he did.

This man reversed everything I’ve gone for sexually: he was taller (I’m slightly over 6’3”), older, (ahem) more manly. He was also very gentle and likeable. But I remember thinking if he just points to the floor I’ll drop to my knees. He didn’t. And, unconfident and inexperience I didn’t think to make any gesture. The shop got busy and he left.

Several weeks later there was a real chance we might get together and explore possibilities.

Then I heard Charles’ voice on the phone. Pure Southern nelly queer boy. Charles was everything I had normally lusted after: much younger, skinny and so femme even the blind and deaf could tell he was gay. I fell in love (would’ve been better had a fallen and broke my neck). I pursued Charles like a maniac, won him and turned my life into a Hell from which I’ve yet to fully escape.

When I got to using CollarMe I saw he was still single. This surprises me since he really does strike me as quite a catch.

I’d planned to write to him when I finally felt I had put the complications and after-effects of life with Charles fully out of my life. Or he saw my profile. Because I would visit his profile on and off I added him to my “favorites.” This caused him to notice me. Before I cold write to him I got a message from him.

I wrote back to tell him about the last several years and explain my current (serious) limitations.

He never responded. That is really much worse than being told to get lost. Silence is the most final dismissal.

This condensed account is biased in favor of the writer. Besides this was a month ago.

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don’t you think your readers are already aware that you like to play all ways. What’s a real slave or submissive anyway? It’s self destructing to play the comparison game and i suspect many of us, both dominant and submissive, try the opposite from time to time. It probably enhances our appreciation of how we are.


Never fear: I don’t think I’m fake anything. Just frustrated: this man really does interest me. And at some point down the line I’m sure I’ll make another effort.

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