Logistics
» In Search Of
Cars are propelled by tiny energy released by tiny controlled explosions of electrically ignited gas. That and what they look like sums up my knowledge of the automobile.
I don’t know how to operate one. Driving is one of those guy things - like throwing balls at other men - which this guy has omitted from his life.
About age four two cousins thought it would be funny to put me behind the steering wheel of a pickup truck. Taking the most expedient option for stopping I ran the truck into a tree. I haven’t sat behind a wheel since.
One of my eyes is mostly for decoration. It doesn’t provide enough vision for depth perception. My reflexes are laughable. Actors performing as absentminded professors could study me. Unlike most people who aren’t competent to drive I don’t.
For my first years away from home I lived in cities with good mass transit. And in those innocent times hitchhiked.
I never planned on moving to anyplace as small as Durham, North Carolina. The city’s mass transit was long owned by a utility company that in time didn’t want it. The local bus system is inadequate. And on the route that passes near my house there has even been gang warfare in recent times.
Physically Durham is big enough for the cost of a cab ride to get expensive.
So my mobility is limited.
One dominant woman - even though the fact was in my profile - was shocked when I explained this after she invited me to visit her in Greensboro. Most people are: not being able to drive is seen as profoundly weird in the USofA. I would’ve been willing to drive.
Another woman - in nearby Chapel Hill, easily reached by bus - wrote me. But declined to meet me. I was pretty sure it was because I don’t own a car. (I first learned about this standard many years earlier. There was a beautiful boy who probably would’ve slept with me if I had. The erotic power of motor vehicles isn’t to be denied.)
A third woman - dominant or not I never learned - lashed out at me for not driving. She seemed to think it proved I was some sort of sex criminal. Never could sort that one out.
My only phone is from Virgin Mobile. It costs me a dime a minute. Not a serious obstacle. But will make long, intimate pre-meeting conversations costly.
These are samples of the simple obstacles that might interfere with me meeting someone. More will follow.
Comments
As I see it, the problem with not driving is not so much that it makes you weird; the problem is that because you don’t drive your potential partners must. In other words you are asking them to spend time and money in a way that you won’t. Not a very courtious thing.
I don’t know if you can fix the problem now but it would help if you could find a way ease the burden on others.
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I just got back from driving 80 miles round trip for a friend who temparily can’t drive. If she needed me to do this regularly merely because she hadn’t learned how friendship would suffer.
Is there a reason you can’t fix the phone situation?
Posted by: Switch (Fetishlore) | October 2, 2007 9:19 PM
I am always fascinated to talk to people who don’t drive because…I don’t drive either!
I gave it up about 10 years ago. I believe I might have said “fuck this shit” the last time I got behind the wheel.
I miss being in a city because I love public transportation. Now that I’m stuck in the burbs, it’s really not that big a deal tho….the husband drives me where I need to go and honestly, how many places do I need to go?
Since I started blogging E, you are the third person I’ve met who doesn’t drive (that I know of, that it came up in conversation). The other two are dom women, which honestly, isn’t that an odd trend? I’ve been wanting to run a post and poll on it, see who else there might be.
But yes, RL people are simply flabbergasted, flabbergasted when I say “I don’t drive. Don’t like it. Gave it up.” I have no sense of direction and was therefore always lost, just lost, and I couldn’t take that lost loss of control one more time.
Anyhoo, enough about me. (This post wasn’t about me??) I feel for your circumstances. Some circumstances are more limiting than others. I will say this: being open is a huge plus in any situation like this. You could be in the middle of NYC, transportation and kinky people everywhere and have less chance of meeting someone good because you weren’t truly open to new interactions. (You know those people, you know what I’m talking about. Things all fixed so firmly in their heads, no one could possibly get through.)
What you describe is daunting, but as Beej would say, 1) You’re Richard Evans Fucking Lee, c’mon and as I would say 2) you’re a good, kind, smart, sweet man. Put the two of those together, good things shall come, yes?
I just wish those good things would follow our timetable. They so often have a schedule of their own!
hugs, E
Posted by: Elizabeth | October 3, 2007 5:08 AM
Elizabeth,
The first woman to give me a taste of BDSM liked what I wrote well enough in a old Yahoo! club to drive to Durham to meet me. So I know - given luck - it isn’t an impossible limitation.
Thanks.
Posted by: Elizabeth | October 3, 2007 12:29 PM
Switch,
I realize that I didn’t properly finish the entry. The anecdotes aside I see my not driving as limiting my mobility. I certainly don’t expect anyone to put out energy or effort they don’t think worthwhile.
The phone is too complicated a story.
Posted by: Richard | October 3, 2007 12:32 PM
Being practical about things.
If you have a computer an alternative to a ‘phone is SKYPE which gives free ‘phone calls to another computer and very cheap ones even between countries or continents. I regularly call France at no cost. All you need is a headset. http://www.skype.com/
Posted by: Stephanie | October 3, 2007 6:53 PM
I’ve used Google Talk and Yahoo! Messenger to talk. But among my friends VOIP seems something they are barely aware of. Hopefully people looking to meet someone will be better informed.
Thanks.
Posted by: Richard | October 4, 2007 3:29 AM