Reality Check
» In Search Of
During my late 20th century search for companionship, multiple orientations meant multiple profiles. EudaemonicGuy* was my favorite Yahoo! handle. Nobody ever wanted to talk with AtheistHatesTV on AOL.
I’ve felt that I should wait a couple of months before beginning a search. But that gets close to Xmas. While Rudolph the Red-noised Reindeer and Baby Jesus aren’t part of my life most people will be driving themselves batty in malls hoping to spread holiday cheer.
Postponement seems wise. Now I’m feeling find and Thunderbirds are Go! But maybe, just maybe there are unresolved feeling. And I should give them time to surface. The day I awoke to find Charles dead on the floor I cried a little. But it wasn’t until a few months had passed that I really started to grieve.
Not that I don’t feel impatient at times. But all I’ve really done on CollarMe is wipe out most of my old profiles. ComplexPainSlave is no more (I’ve also realized that calling myself HumanWhippingPost isn’t the ideal way to attract the attention of the kind of people I’d really like to meet.)
But I had an inflamed whim - abetted by some wine - last night and created an alt.com profile ActualMasochist isn’t really a pleasing handle: my creativity deserted me. Which isn’t important. This morning on awakening I made the profile invisible.
And I’m a subtler fellow than you might suspect. The In Search Of archives after I add a bit more will be something I can point a potentially interested person to. And if you Google for “BDSM Durham, NC” guess who you see.
My warmest thanks to those of you who have shared experiences, feelings and offered counsel. Without you I’d feel isolated in a bad way.
* The off the cuff definition of eudaemonic I first encountered was “happiness informed by reason.” Passion is wonderful. Passion commingled with clarity enables the greatest possible enjoyment of being alive.
