Topping

Benoit Prevot

Confused because I have no one to love my libido - or something - sweeps me this way and that.

So I put up a profile of myself as a top: strictly seeking men. (Not that I couldn’t top a woman but … )

One fellow writes me a nice note and immediately removes his profile. Poor guy is probably very confused. I have no patience for this ‘fake’ and ‘phony’ baloney. Just because you feel you want to be on bottom doesn’t mean you have instant self-understanding or confidence. Trying to sort all that out must be damned baffling for many.

A few men share with my their undying devotion to my - unmentioned - penis. I’m a bit peeved because one thing this profile makes clear is that I’m not necessarily looking to have sex with anyone.

And these guys all have profiles that say they are ‘straight.’ Should I ever refresh my own profile I’ll make it clear that if you can’t own up to your sexuality you shouldn’t bother with me. Or: if you think sucking a cock is humiliating, just drop dead.

Then I get a message from a nice guy who is only half-articulate about his needs but seems very genuine in his need to express submission to someone. He’s outside of my preferred geographic range. So I give him some advice on improving his profile. Were the to transfer some of what he wrote me to his profile I think he might attract a decent dominant person near where he lives.

I feel a bit bad. I wasn’t expecting to hear from anyone worthwhile. If I do meet someone as a top it will still be a month or more before I’m ready. Maybe I’ll check in with him and see how he’s doing if and when I’m sure.

I still don’t feel at all clear about what I might do, what I want. But the erection test gives me a clue. Right now the idea of kneeling before a dominant still produces a firmer hardon than anything else.

My only reason for regretting that is that here in central North Carolina I see more seeking tops that bottoms. Otherwise all a dominant has to do is point her finger toward the floor.